Like a candle in the wind (cont)

But Ally had other feelings about that. I put Rachie to bed and she went right to sleep, then came Ally's turn. She went to bed, but there was no making her sleep. Every time I tried to go off to my room to sleep, she would begin to cry within a few minutes and not stop.  Not just a whimper and fake tears, this was all very real to her little 3 year old mind and heart. Finally after a good hour of this, I went in for the last time bound and determined that she was going to go to sleep. I had tried everything, even laying with her in her bed and pretending to go to sleep and then leaving when I thought she was asleep. Nothing had worked, she would wake right back up and start wailing again.

When I went in there for that last time, I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I was at my wits end. I was pissed off and so tired that I stood there telling her that if she didn't go to sleep right now I was going to spank her. This made her burst into an hysterical, uncontrollable, grief stricken crying jag. Even in the stupidity of my youth I knew this was the cry of someone grief stricken to the core. It was not an "I don't want to go to sleep now." cry. This was a broken heart.

I sat down on the bed with her and took her in my arms and asked her what was wrong. She just kept crying. I stroked her and rubbed her little back and rocked her back and forth, cooing to her to try to help her regain control. Finally I took her face in my hands and asked her again why she was so hurt, what hurt to badly?  She looked up at me with her big huge blue eyes filled with tears and said "I just want someone to love me." That was not the voice of a small child saying those words, it was the voice of a highly intelligent being who knew exactly what they needed and wanted, it was very basic, very human, very mature for a 3 year old to make such a heartfelt cry to someone. Well, that was it for me, I fell apart, my heart melted and broken in two. I pulled her up into my arms and held her tight to me and said "Oh, Ally, I love you, I love you, with all my heart." I began to cry with her for her large and tender broken heart.