All you need is love

http://www.contemplator.com/wales/allnight.html

I am sappy and sentimental. I keep it to myself most of the time. For years I stuffed every emotion except anger down. I still had all these other emotions, I just kept them shoved way down inside. Then I realized that life is way too frickin short to not experience everything you possibly can.  I determined to allow myself to experience everything as fully as possible, including my own feelings, emotional, physical, spiritual, whatever.

This decision to fully experience things ocurred when I sat there watching my friend Randy Stewart dying from complications from AIDS. At the time Randy was my age, 36 years old. Randy never saw 37. I did. This was the year 1990. AIDS (with it's given name) had been around for the better part of 8 years. But then so had Ronald Reagan and GHW Bush.

At any rate that day at Randy's side, the day before he died, I made the choice to fully experience life. I stopped forcing myself not to feel anymore. I started letting myself do things I had never allowed myself to do before. Which btw, accounts for a lot of my behaviour in the last 14 years.

I have been fed a lot of grief over the years for all this. But honestly, I don't truly give a shit. This time, and for all I know the first time, in any life time and definitely in this life time, I am experiencing all that my senses can absorb. I am also fully aware of my own beingness, which is something I was never in touch with before either. And I found something not easily put into words. I found unconditional love.