This will suprize you. I haven't had a damn thing to say that I felt was worth the time to put down here in my blog. I spend a lot of time playing with numbers. I spend far too much time on my financial investments. Numbers, numbers, numbers. Normally I would think this is wasted time, but lately my opinion on this subject has changed.

Seriously, you know what I have been thinking about a lot lately? Let me preferance this by asking you this question: If you won several million dollars in the lottery, what would you do with all that money?

Now you know where I am going here.

It's amazing how priorities change as you evolve as a person. When I was a teenager, my fantasies about wealth generally were about buying what I considered all the trappings of wealth. Yachts, fast, expensive European sports cars, mansions in the hills, on the beach, my own private island, Lear jets, you get the picture.

As a young adult, my fantasies hadn't changed much. It was still all about material trappings. In my 30s I began to see the need to take care of my immediate family too. So I was willing to share a piece of my wealth pie with them.  By the time I hit my 40s, the desire to own expensive items had diminished almost completely. My wealth fantasies became all about taking care of my family and friends so that I and they were set for life and were monetarily stress free.

By the time I hit my late 40s, the only thing I cared about was being debt free and having the ability to help others when I could.

Now I am sitting here, nearing 51 years old and all I care about is helping others as much as I can. I still want to be debt free and I do want to make sure my friends and family are cared for so that their struggles are about personal growth and not totally about external survival. But by and large, I want to give wealth away to those who need it most.

I recall a rich man saying to me once that he wanted to give his money to organizations that helped people better themselves. I didn't think much of it at the time. He wasn't into just giving people money just because they needed to save their home or whatever. He was into giving his money to things that taught people how to fish so to speak.

That is such Republican thinking. Most Republican thinking is the antithesis of what I think and feel. But when you think about it long and hard enough, the teaching people to fish isn't such a bad thing.

We have a youth organization of which I am a board member of here in Eureka that is sort of like that old proverb. It exists to teach kids how to fish. It's all about teaching kids responsibility. For themselves, for each other, for their community. It's about teaching them that they are valued and valuable assets, to themselves, to others around them and to their community. It's abut teaching the self respect and high self esteem. It's about helping to develop well rounded individuals who believe in themselves.

Our youth organization is something I give my money to, what little of it I have to give at the moment.  Were I wealthy, I would give at the same rate I give now, the difference is, my contribution would be considerably more and would solve all their financial problems about keeping their doors open and serving the kids in our community.

Once, I would like to attend a board meeting where we are not stressing over how to pay the light bill. Just once I want to go to a board meeting and the topic of discussion is how the construction of the new youth center building is coming along. I would like to go to a board meeting where we are discussing how many new employees we need to hire this year and not how many months it has been that our Director has gone with out a pay check and has run the organization alone because there is no money to pay for staff.

Eureka Kids is one reason I look so long and hard at numbers late into the night. Every night I try to figure out how and when I will be able to help them out of the financial pit they are always in. I am tired of fundraiser after fundraiser that barely nets enough cash to keep the lights on or the phone bill or the food bill, or the water bill or any number of items that must be paid regularly to keep the doors open.

And all we want to do is teach kids how to fish. All we want to do is help mold people who can stand tall and proud and face the world head on and not have to resort to drugs, alcohol or any other form of escapism to face it.  Is that so much to ask? To get these kids off the street and offer them something constructive, fun and educational to do with their afternoons and summer vacation? I don't think it's too much. I wish there had been something like this where I lived growing up.

So that's what my wealth fantasies are about now. How can I help? How can I make a positive difference in someone else's life? How can I pay it forward today?

I don't want for much anymore. A roof over my head, reliable transportation, a kick ass computer system (ok, there's my one major indulgence). What I need is what I already have. Self love, self esteem, a loving family, dear and cherished friends. Everything else just seems to fall into place now. Roof over my head and all.

Oh and the fast Eurepean sports car? I want a Suburu Outback or Forester. How much more boring can you get?

I don't usually post many links here, but I had a friend send me this site in an email tonight. I didn't go past the second page, but I thought I would share it with my friends who enjoy odd and slightly different things. Apparently these people are from a couple of Scandinavian countries. That explains missing prepositions and even the awkward site name. I am sure they thought in their not so great English way that they were being clever. It's all in your perspective.

Enjoy!

Fuck for forest

I live in a small town out in the middle of no where. This is no suprise to those who know me and have visited Sue and I (or in the case of you who have actually spent a great deal of time here with us'ns). Y'all know how small and isolated we are out here in the middle of BF Egypt.

I also own my own business. I am the town's locksmith. I am the watch dog of people's security around here. People look to me to care for their possessions by installing, upgrading and maintaining their locks. I have to present a certain image of honesty and  integrity. My clients who know me well know I am beyond honest (to my own detriment in business) and my integrity is beyond question with them. Those people don't care what I look like. They have known me forever, they are used to my quirky short hair cuts and my rather masculine appearence. They just accept me for who I am, knowing I will always do my utmost to maintain their security at a reasonable price.  

It's all those old people who live out on Holiday Island and new comers in and around town who don't know me who might be taken aback should I get much quirkier than I already am.  I have to maintain a certain sense of decorum in my physical presence. What that translates out to is, I can't really be the real me.

The real me is a smart ass who likes to make amusing observational remarks. I can't do that around my customers. I have to just smile and tell them their African Violet collection is very beautiful.

I made the decision the other day that I was going to attempt to retire in a couple of years. Somehow making that decision to retire rfeed something up inside me. It's like this weight on my shoulders is begining to lift slightly.

Yesterday I found myself making honest wise ass jokes in front of a customer. Now I know this customer pretty well. Not in the sense that we actually might go out for coffee and crossants, but well enough that we can make idle chit chat with each other. I found my idle chit chat losing a bit with him yesterday. I found myself playing along with his joking around. Usually I just smile or chuckle appropriately when a customer makes a joke. I never drop the professional decorum and let my real self out.

Yesterday I found myself cracking jokes right back at Rich. We had a pretty good time making jokes about the place he just bought and was having rekeyed. I know the locks in his new resort very well. I know his new property's locks well enough to know that a large chunk of them are near death. I found myself telling him that 2 of his cabin units had locks on them that were dying a slow and painful death. Usually I would not put it that way with a customer. I would tell them that their locks will need replacing soon as they are in very poor shape. Instead I told him they were in worse shape than the Pope. He laughed, I laughed.

I realised that I was letting go in a way. Letting go of "professional" J. Letting go of a persona I had to create many years ago in order to make the needed money to survive in this culture. The truth is, "Professional" J has been dying a slow and painful death for the last 13 years. Ever since I first moved here to BF Egypt.

I am not sure if I ever really liked Professonal J all that much. Other people seemed to liek Professional J, but for me, Professional J was such a narrow aspect of me that I felt confined in many ways by Professional J.

It's not like when I do finally retire that Professional J will actually die. Professonal J will still have to be around to handle business transactions like purchasing property and handling other grown up stuff related to money.

So the real J, who has been stuffed down inside only to come out on rare occassions, is going to be coming out more often. Real J slipped out a little yesterday.  I have a feeling that as time goes by, Real J is going to slip out more and more. I am not sure how that is going to feel or look like yet. I'll keep you posted.