Arkansas, you are home to me.....

Fe fi fo fum. This guy I was doing a job for yesterday came in from lunch and showed me the words Fe fi fo, fe fi fo fo written on a some kind of laminated board. He said "read that and see if you can see what it says". So I read it aloud. Fe fi fo, fe fi fo fo. I don't get it.  He says it's Mike Tyson's lawyer's number. Ok, you are going to think I am dumb, but I really thought it was some code and I still didn't get it.

Bill explained it to me later, after we had left there. Apparently it was a slur on eubonics.  I was finally home and sitting at my desk playing my pirate game when I realized what it really meant. I am either not prejudice, or I am really dumb, one of the two. Sorry my mind just did not go there when first presented with the joke. I didn't even know it was a joke.

So there was this little Hispanic guy there name Lupe working for Mr. Fe Fi Fo and he came up to me after the laminated board presentation and said in his broken English "You think that was funny?"  I say "Not especially". So I preceed to tell him about Jack and the Beanstalk. I say I think it has to do with Tyson's lawyer being a giant killer or something. Seriously, that was what I was thinking.

I like this little guy Lupe. He's really cute (physically and personality wise). Between my horrible Spanish and his passing English, we managed to communicate for the last 2 days with each other.  I find out what state he is from in Mexico and I tell him I know someone else from that state that lives here too. She is married to one of the Tapia brothers.  I ask if he knows the family, he does not.  The Tapia's are a big family here in town, lots of Tapia's and all related in one way or another to each other. I am figuring he must live in Berryville if he does not know the Tapia's.

So I go to my next job and there is Emelda Tapia (who I adore) helping prep the new restoration I am doing the locks for. She has her oldest daughter there who is like a senior in high school now. I tell Emelda I met this guy named Lupe who is from her state and even knew where San Felipe was (her home town). I tell her that Lupe is really cute (que lindo) and maybe only 20 or 21 years old. Her daughter suddenly looks up and gets this smile on her face. Emelda grins widely at her daughter and laughs. I tell them he is working down at Eagles Nest for the next week or so, she can catch a glimps of him there.

I really like Emelda. I think to myself that in another place and time we would be friends. But here, in Eureka Springs Arkansas, we are only two people who make minor, idle chit chat (mainly because my Spanish is horrible and her English is about as good as Lupe's was).  I have known Emelda for at least 8 years, I have watched her children grow up.

Emelda lives in a world where the only jobs she can get is doing meanial labor (as in housekeeping and such). Partly it is because her English is not that great, but mostly it is because she is a Mexican from Mexico. She would not be able to get a front desk job here because of her English, but I suspect that she wouldn't be able to get one even if her English were exemplary. I know that the cultural differences are part of why Emelda doesn't want to be my friend.  That and I am gay and I don't think she quiet gets that being gay thing.

We have a lot of things going against there ever being a real friendship between us. If my Spanish were better, that would help. But 12 years removed from having to speak Spanish to survive and my Spanish is very rusty and very bad. I also never took Spanish in school, so my Spanish is street slang from LA.  It's not enough to instill trust in people.  I am still a gavacha in their eyes. Still "Whitie".

I understand why Emelda and her huge extended family are hard to get close to and become friends with. I don't trust "Whitie" either.  Whitie has hurt me too, but I can't explain that to them in terms they can understand, my Spanish sucks too much for that.  That and the cultural thing. I don't understand their culture enough to explain it in words they can understand. How do you explain you are shit on too because you aren't really "Whitie"?

Emelda's younger children will talk with me. They speakEnglish because they are American's. They are first generation and they learned English in school.  The older girls will not talk with me. Part of that is their age (teenagers ack!). But then even as children they did not talk with me much. Her boys on the other hand are motor mouths and will talk to you for hours if you let them.

I understand Emelda and her extended family's wanting to stay distant from Whitie. I just wish there was a way to cross that barrier. One of these days one of her kids or maybe grandkids is going to marry into Whitie and then she/they will have to deal with it. Too many people from California are moving here. They don't have the same prejudices that people from the mid-south may still have about Hispanics. They will all assimilate as time goes by.

In the mean time, I am sitting here in Arkansas knowing that the Hispanic community lives with the same prejudices that the Hispanic community in California has faced since Whitie came there and took their lands from them.  I am also sitting here in Arkansas thinking I wish that prejudice didn't create such a barrier to friendships.

I am thinking that jokes like Mr. Fe Fi Fo's joke don't help bridge the gaps created long before we were all born.  I am thinking I want to be able to be friends with people just because we "click", not because our cultures are the same or our skin color matches.

So yeah Lupe, I don't think it's funny. It was a bad joke and in very poor taste. Don't repeat it, it's not worth the breath from your body son. Trust me on this one.....

I wouldn't wanna be like you, I wouldn't want to be like you....

Douche waste water... kind of has a ring to it doesn't it?

Which brings me to this statement:

Votre sont non seulement un moron complet, vous sont les restes d'un sac de douche monté par maladie particulièrement répugnante.

That just kid of sums it all up for me.

I get my kicks on Route 66

I love this picture. It rocks. K is as cute as can be here. She was a few months away from turning 3 years old in this picture. I can't believe my baby is in Kindergarten. I didn't cry today, but then I didn't expect to.... I am sappy and sentimental (yes, honey, that is something that happens with age and it only gets worse). I'll save my tears for graduation. Like I saved my tears for Gina's wedding. I love you baby girl. My Pumpkin Girl, my special Princess. I adore you beyond words.

It goes like it goes, like the river flows....

Tomorrow two exciting things happen. One, Kaitlyn starts Kindergarten and two, Sue and I will be celebrating our 7th anniversary. That's two fairly emotional things happening in one day.

I have to go bed now because I have to be up at the crack of dawn to go with Sue and K to the first day of school. There are somethings in life I don't really want to miss and this is one of them.  On our anniversary, I don't know why, but I would really like to make love to my wife. I know it won't happen, but it's a nice thought anyway.

I had all these stories I wanted to put down here that were running like movies in my head today. I am not only too tired right now, I can't remember any of them. That's too bad, some of them were cute little remembrances of things long past yet still bittersweet in my memory.

Oh well, they will come back to me someday.

Listen for wings, the angels are on their way right now....

It's been a hard day's night and I've been working like a dog....

Ok, so I got the puter back today. Well, actually yesterday. I picked it up yesterday morning from David and Janice's while dropping K off there after her optometrist appointment. He spent like 45 minutes explaining how he saved my precious files and what all my new functions were on XP (I had NT). Most of it went in one ear and out the other, but I think I kind of got the gist of it. So Dave takes it out to the car for me when we are done with the walk though and buckles it in the front seat (the back seat and trunk are full of shit for work).

I then proceed to my work day. Well, actually, first I had to make a stop at Hart's (our supermarket here in Eureka) and hit their big ass meat sale. It only lasts 3 days and I knew I would not get back to town until it was over so it was now or never. Now I have the computer strapped in the front seat and 12 pounds of top sirloin in the back seat. So I head over to Tad's (my favorite convenience store) and proceed to ask Kate (my friend and owner of Tad's) if I can leave the meat in her walk in cooler until I finish my job at the New Orleans Hotel. Of course she says yes cause she adores me. 

I buy my one and only cup of coffee for the day and a bottle of water and head off for the NO. It's Friday afternoon and busier than shit in the historic district downtown area, touroids everywhere. Which means there is no place to park. So I park in the loading zone, go get Kara (my friend and the GM there), go down to the restautant they need rekeyed and proceed to pull and gather up all the locks, get all final instructions from Kara and hop back in my car, locks stuffed in my pockets and head over to Harmon Park where I can find a picnic table and rekey everything. Having to do that because there is no place to park adds like 45 more minutes on to the job but hey, I boy's gotta do what a boy's gotta do to get the job done.

So I get the locks finished (not to mention have a few conversations with friends in the park passing through) get back (parking in the loading zone again) reinstall the locks, talk to Bill who calls on his way home from Fayetteville and says he will meet me at the next job, give Kara the bill and head back to Tad's to get the meat I think I am going to run by the house before heading to the next job (next next job was closer to the house than downtown Eureka Springs is).

So I get to about Thorncrown Chapel and Bill calls saying he is at the job site already. I am either really slow or he was closer than he let on when he called before. So I tell him to pull as many locks as he can until I get there and I deadhead to the job.  I don't bother to tell him I have almost $50 worth of Top Sirloin in the car. I figure it's 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other since making Bill wait for me costs me money.  So I chance that we will finish this job quickly and risk the meat.

Now mind you, it's close to 3:30 when I arrive and I have a chiropractic appointment at 5:00 in Holiday Island, a mear 12 miles from where I am at the moment, down windy mountain roads filled with touroids going 10 miles and hour. There are 16 locks to pull, clean, rekey and reinstall. I get there and Bill has the front pulled already. So I find the customer's old key code, cut a key to work with, cut the new keys and head in to start rekeying.

Now you need to know that under good circumstances, rekeying a standard Kwikset lock takes approximately 5 minutes at the utmost and 2 minutes if you really rock. I must say that, from the time I arrived until the moment I was pulling out of the driveway and back on to Hwy 187 was less than 55 minutes. Me and Bill just fucking rocked. I like these kinds of jobs cause they are nearly pure profit. I think that making $200 bucks an hour rocks anyway.

So now I am off to drop the meat off and head to HI for the chiropractor appointment. I get there with 1 minute to spare and low and behold, for the first time ever, the chiroprator is actually running late. I am actually extremely glad that I have the book I brought for K's optometrist appointment in the car with me. I read about 4 pages and she is ready for me.

So I hop on the table and she gets to work on me and suddenly my cell (which I am tethered to 24/7) goes off. I am laying on the table, she is adjusting me and I can't get up (not to mention I don't have my glasses on so I couldn't see to answer it anyway). So she runs over and gets it and my glasses and hands them to me.

It's Ky, she has locked her keys in her truck and needs me.  I tell her I am getting an adjustment at that exact second, but that as soon as I am done I will rush there to save her. Mind you, she is an hour away in Bentonville. She tries to tell me where she is. She's at Mail Boxes Etc., she uses Wendy's as a land mark. Wendy's is not a place I would eat even if you put a gun to my head. She also tells me it's just past Walmart World Headquarters, better known as Corporate. Now here's the kicker, where she was is just past Corporate, if you are coming from her work. If you are turning off 102 on to Walton Blvd however, it's just before corporate.

So I don't even start looking for the nebulous Wendy's until I pass corporate. In fact, I was probably staring at Jimmy John's thinking I would like to have a sub from there when I missed Wendy's. I am also very aware that she has been sitting there waiting for me for a million hours and I am kind of anxious to get her in her vehicle and safely back on the road to where ever as soon as possible. I am running the length of Walton Blvd in my head searching for the Wendy's in my mind. I am drawing a blank. I can see the Taco Bell on the corner of Applegate, I can see the car wash I love oh so much there too. I can see all kinds of shit I know is there as you head north on Walton just past Corporate, but there ain't no Wendy's in my memory.

So I keep on driving thinking maybe they built a new Wendy's down past Applegate, I mean Bentonville is growning rapidly these days, it could happen. Why I cannot fathom, but still, it could happen. Finally I get as close as you can get to Bella Vista without actually driving in to Bella Vista and I know something is seriously wrong. I turn around and head back south. I pass Corporate and there on my right is Wendy's with MBE just a stone's throw away. And there in the bed of the little orange pick up truck is Mistress Ky with a sad little smile on her face.

So I say, "I drove right past you."  She says she knows, she yelled at me as I drove past. I am deaf, we all know this. Blind, deaf and dumb in the mental sense. She tells me I look great, I tell her she looks fabulous too (we haven't seen each other in ages mind you since she and the Aud boy work 9 million hours a week). I get my tools out, we figure out how we are going to open this sucker up and then I pop the sucker open. She is grateful, grabs her keys and proceeds to lock the vehicle back up.

I did not see her do this. She says to me "Do it again! Do it again!" I said "huh?" She holds out the Old Man's keys to me and says, "these are the wrong keys."  I seriously thought she was joking, but no, she wasn't joking one little bit. Now I am thinking this is funnier than all shit. Probably because it seemed ironic in some way to me. We both got a good chuckle out of it none the less.

So I pop it again, she gets the right keys this time and we head off to gas up and pee (we both had to go really bad) and then she insists on taking me out for a bite to eat and to get caught up on our lives.  I can't resist when she insists, so off to dinner at this fabulous little Italian place and some lovely conversation.

Now mind you, since I left the Chiropractor's office, I had tried to call Sue on the phone. But it just rang busy for at least an hour and a half. I can't call on the business phone because it's forwarded to my cell. I was afraid she was going to start worrying so finally I called Bill's house, left him a message to try to call my house for me. He calls me back, says he will email her. He emails her and within 30 minutes, as we are getting ready to be seated at aforementioned Italian restautant, Sue calls me.  At least now she knows I am not dead and vice versa.

Ky and I had a lovely dinner, talked for ever about all kinds of fun stuff and then we both head off to our respective abodes. It was great getting to see her after such a long time. Always reminds me why I like her company so much. She's brilliant.

Fast forward to today (Saturday).  The family and I are in town running a few errands when I get a lockout call. It's a black version of Ky and Aud's truck. I get there and within 2 minutes I have it popped. The guy says, "Wow, that was fast!". I say, "That's because I just opened one just like yours last night, twice in fact." I have that particular vehicle down to a science now.

So the puter came out of the front seat late last night and here it sits on the dining room table still not hooked up. Sue and I went to look at Kia Sedona's today. We didn't get home until almost 10pm.  Maybe tomorrow I will get this sucker back up and running. Who knows. I know we have to make a Walmart run tomorrow cause K needs a few more things for school on Monday. I just hope it doesn't take so much time that I don't get a chance to work on the puter not to mention mow the law. I have to mow the law tomorrow cause while we were out, Dave Rush, my next door neighbor, mowed his lawn and now I have to mow mine. It's our (mine and Dave's) neighborly lawn mowing war at it's best. He mows, I mow and vice versa. Thank god I am poor or everytime he painted his house I would have to do that too. You just wait til I get the new siding and roof... ha ha ha ha ha <evil grin>  Wait, come to think of it, we went to the Kia dealer today because Jill and Dave just bought a new Kia this week... hmmmm, neighborly wars at their best <grin>.

I know it's not until Monday but, Happy Anniversary honey! Seven years is not a long time yet. Wait until you are sitting there watching me die 20 years from now. Then that will have been a long time. I love you Sue, more than you will ever know.

The Simpson's....Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah da.da.da.da.da.da.da.

Doh, Doh, Doh, Doh!

This is kind of a long story about why the four dohs, so I will try to make this short.

I can't get onto this site on this old computer unless I enter through the IM journal option. For some reason I can follow that link and nothing else. I don't know why and I don't care why, it just won't. It also forces you to enter at least 4 words before it will post your IM journal post.

So I posted the first thing that came to my mind so that I could get this link to come up for me in an IM. That happened to be Homer saying his 32 dohs. This computer then froze up and I had to reboot. At that point I said "Fuck it!" and went to bed. What was supposed to go here was the story up above. The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Thank you Mr. Hemminway, I appreciate the sentiment. No really, I do.

Hope everyone one is having a fabulous life right now. Angels are on their way.  

Long as I can grow it my hair.

This post is about my hair and not the musical.

Today I was awakened early with a job. As much as I like the money, I hate being woken up from a dead sleep for an emergency call. So I figured, since I am in town so early, I might as well go see if I can get my hair cut (I am getting shaggy and Mr. Preslan my hair dresser has become impossile to find). So I went to this walk in place at 8:30 to see if they could cut my hair right then and there and low and behold, their earliest opening was at noon.

So now I will have to wait yet another hour or two with this shaggy head of mine. Those of you who do not know me need to know that I keep my head pretty much shaved down to the bone. So after 3 months of Mr. James Preslan's moving and taking forever off work to get their new house ready to move into, I have gotten to the point where my hair is touching my ears and you can actually tell that I have wavy hair.

The problem with going in to see a hair dresser that is new is that #1: this is a straight chick so I can't tell her to just cut my hair like Emmett's in season 4 of QAF and #2: I have no idea if she is any good with short hair styles. This place looks like a place straight women go to get their hair done. So I am not so sure she cuts many men's heads. Trust me, when I am through with a hair cut, you know I am TG, my hair cuts don't even look like a dyke's hair cut let alone a straight chick. I look like a guy when they are done with me.

Were it not for these useless annoying tits on my chest, you would never know I wasn't a biological guy. Well, except for the fact that I have a fairly pretty face. I suppose if I began testosterone therapy that my features might harden a bit (and of course there would be that facial hair,not to mention I would go bald like my brothers, which is why I will never do T, I am too vain to lose my hair).

Oh yeah, and the plactic surgery I want done? I want these tits removed and all the sag from years of being in a female body lipoed and then all the lose skin removed (trust me, there is a lot of lose skin involved here. That's not too much to ask for. It's not like I want a face life. In fact, I rather like these lines on my face, I earned everyone of these wrinkles, so I am keeping them. There's nothing on my face that needs fixing.

I am not hard on the eyes, I have Dad's little ears and nose and Dad is a pretty good looking guy actually. If you took Guy Williams (as Zorro), Cary Grant and Clark Gable (minus the big ears) and rolled them in to one, you would have my Dad in his youth. I also have his high cheekbones, so that's a plus too. I even inherited his dimples and long dark eyelashes.

I just need to lose the tits and life will be good. Luckily for me, the tits have caused a great deal of damage to my back so it will be no problem at all getting a doctor's referral to get them cut off.

So that's life here on the farm today.  Still don't have my computer back. Seems that this virus worm thingy won't let Dave back up the files I don't want to lose. If he can't fix it then I will have to go in there myself and email a lot of the important things to myself so that I can reload them once the machine is virus free and home again.

Btw Dear Little Virus/Worm Creators out there, I realise that a goodly (perhaps disproportionate is a better word for it) amount of you are little teenage assholes just getting your anger about life in general out of you by creating these things, but stop for one moment and consider that you aren't just fucking with big businesses (I hate them too btw). This shit hits little guys just like me. What little guys just like me keep on their computers are priceless things that cannot be replaced, like pictures and art work and poetry. We also don't back things up, unlike big businesses who do back things up. Just think for a moment what that would feel like to you to lose those things. Or maybe you just haven't grown up enough to understand how something could be a priceless thing to another person, nor respect that.  I guess what pisses me off is that 15 years from now you won't be angry any more but you will have still done the damage anyway and have to live with that thought for the rest of your life. Oh fucking well. Too bad you say. Whatever. Bad karma is bad karma, just remember that.

This is not my real computer. Ok, it used to be my real computer, but then I bought a new one last year. The new computer is in the hospital in critical condition. So I am now limited to using this puppy until it recovers and returns home to me.

So if there is not a whole lot of activity going on here for the next few days you will know why.

Big hairy protective angels to you all************

Sail on, sail on, sail on....

Ok, I am going to Florida in a few weeks for a little mini-vacation. This is not the kind of thing I would normally do out of the blue. But I am going nonetheless as my dear and generous friends earnestly wanted to give me the gift of some time off and I, with some trepidation, took their offer of some needed respite.

My real problem about going is that I cannot imagine leaving my home and business for something as trivial as me getting to relax and just veg. Since this has not been the best year business wise, I am of course concerned to not have the income I would normally have for those 4 or 5 days. Add to that the fact that I actually have to pay someone to take my place while I am gone from work, then my little respite costs me considerably more than it would for someone who gets paid vacations.

The problem is, between now and when I take off in that airplane, I somehow have to talk myself into believing that I deserve some rest. I honestly am not sure I can do that. I am a workaholic and I believe that the world rests squarely upon my shoulders and that if I am gone for long it will all fall apart. I can't seem to shake that belief.

I suppose I would feel better if I knew that my finances were a bit better. Like it would be nice to know that all the bills were paid before I left so that the world did not crumble at my feet while I was gone. In reality, that is what I will stress about the most.

Then there is that little stress that Sue might possibly be coming home on the 10th or 12th of September with 3 extra children in tow. I feel an enormous amount of guilt at the thought of leaving her alone with 4 children in the house. Especially when they have just recently arrived. It really does concern me. I honestly am hoping that they don't ship the kids with her as I would prefer them to come at a little later date. Like say around September 25th or so, that would take an enormous stress off of me and this pending vacation of mine.

Before I leave, Sue is going to be off in NY working on getting the kids. She will be gone a week. That is a week of just me, Kaitlyn and the animals. I think I can survive that, at least I hope I can. I know the house will stay clean because I will have total control over it all (muhawhawhaw) :D.

I leave just a few short days after her return, which is why I don't want the kids to arrive with her. I don't want her to have to face getting these kids settled in all alone. I am just putting it out there into the universe that everything comes together for the best of everyone, myself included. Cause I really would like to have some rest without the concerns of everyday life weighing on me my every waking moment.

Next year honey, we are going to take the whole family to Disney World and maybe even take that damn Disney Cruise I want to do oh so much too.  And well go see Grandpa Marty and Grandma Fran and just have a fun time together as a family. Next summer things will be better, I can feel it in my bones. Well, maybe next winter. Orlando is always better in the wintertime anyway.

One way or another, I am going to figure out how to get us all on vacation at the same time. And here's an idea, maybe somewhere down the road a piece, just you and I can go off some place cool alone. Like Key West or some place romantic in Jamica. We'll hire a professional aupear to take care of the kids and a professional house sitting to come care for the plants and animals and we will just fly off to parts unknown together. Wadda ya say sweetheart? Wanna go snorkeling with me? I hear they have great beer in Jamica. :D

You have my heart so don't hurt me....

I was having this conversation with a friend last night who is falling head over heals in love right now and what came to mind was a Cranberrie's song.

I remembered reading something years ago that John Bradshaw had written about being head over heals in love when you first fall in love with someone. The period of time when you first fall in love until anywhere between 6 months to 2 years is called limerance. What John Bradshaw said was that period of time is probably the only time in your life when you are as close to being clinically insane without being considered insane as possible.

Probably because of your irrational behavior and all the intense emotions you are feeling and exhibiting. Whatever, love is still grand. It's spectacular to be "in love". Especially when it is reciprocal.

This is the song, I can relate to it totally:

Dreams, The Cranberries

Oh my life is changing everyday
in every possible way
And oh my dreams
it's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems
I know I felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be
I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they'll come true
impossible not to do
Impossible not to do
And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me
Oh my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh my dreams
it's never quite as it seems
'cause you're a dream to me
Dream to me

See? That's a falling in love song. I remember falling in love. It's truly the best high there is on earth. I read a couple of old love letters last night from a time when I was deeply in love with someone and she apparently was in love with me. As time passes you tend to think that maybe you were mistaken about whether they loved you or not. Reading old love letters confirms that you are indeed not imagining something existed that did not exist. In a bittersweet way, it's kind of nice to go back and remember being that in love with someone again.

I try not to go to that place very often. I try not to remember too much of my past loves. Although you may learn some incredible lessons from your association with someone you loved deeply, it's best not to go there as it bears little resemblance to your real life today.

You can thank those people for the gift of their presence in your life and whatever lessons they brought to you, but then it's time to move on and keep your heart open for new lessons elsewhere.  It's not like you are being cold hearted, it's just that dwelling on what has morphed into something else is a fruitless waste of your energy.

I have been utterly in love with someone else at least 2 times in my life.  The second time was a lot nicer than the first. But both times where incredible. The feelings are intense in a way you seldom ever know at any other time. It's as if everything else on earth pales in comparision. It's something you will never forget and hopefully always cherish. Being in love just plain old rocks.

I think though from experience, that deep and abiding love is the best. Once limerance has worn off and you are living your life day to day with this person that caused all those incredible feelings in the beginning years ago, knowing that you just love them unconditionally is the greatest love. You are dedicated to them and to the relationship and that makes it possible to weather the storms of life together.

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

This says it all for me. You really are everything to me.

Good luck my friend, you have my hope and blessings.

Come what may......

Think I'll shave my head and become a Buddist monk

This weekend was Yards and Yards of Yard Sales weekend here in Reekee. I hate yard sales, unless there are power tools involved. I hate shopping unless it's Home Depot or Lowes.

Sue however loves yard sale-ing. I think she hit them all this weekend. Mostly she went to her friend's yard sales. She gets free stuff when she goes to friend's yard sales. What it really all amounts to is that she brings home more junk to clutter up the house and garage. We don't need to go to other people's yard sales, we need to have the Muther of all time garage sale of our own.

I have estimated that we probably have close to $100k worth of garbage in our garage and house that will never get used. Some of it's new and has never been used, some of it is used and needs to be thrown out, some of it is just plain old questionable as to what it might have been and what use it might have for us now. Whatever it is, it is junk cluttering up the garage and house.

Yesterday, she brought even more junk into the house. Now mind you, she found some decent clothes for Kaitlyn for school. But see, I believe that is all she should have gotten. Anything else was just junk being brought in the house.

The worst part of her garage sale addiction is that it takes the better part of a month or two for all the junk she bought to find a place other than sitting on the floor or assorted furniture downstairs here. My issue with that is this: the upstairs is hers and Kaitlyn's. I don't give a rat's ass what happens up there. They can have and do whatever they like up there as long as it doesn't ooze down the stairs or smell so bad that it waifs it's way down here.  I never go up there unless there is some kind of emergency going on. I vowed to myself that I would never go up there, it's better for my nerves if I don't.

See the downstairs is mine. I gave them the upstairs to destroy, the downstairs is mine to keep as pristine as I possibly can. This of course is an impossible feat as their shit gets left all over the place down here, plus, Sue has this thing about bringing more and more animals every day into our home. I am tired of dog and cat shit (literally). What that really means is that I am at the end of my rope and I have finally let go.

Let me give you a scenario of how life would be here if either they did not live here or, if they were tidy folk. The downstairs would be constantly immaculate. There would be an actually style to the decor, a theme so to speak, tasteful, but not arrogant. Things would at least match, or at least go together well. The wouldn't be this hodge podge of shit that has no relation to one another, or looks as if it was bought at a distress sale in the 1970's. There would be one cat, most likely a Siamese and one dog, most likely a Maltese. There might be a small fish tank some where, but I doubt it. Before something new was brought into the house, the old thing it was replacing would have been thrown out, as in removed forever from this property in one way or another.

Everything would be organized, a place for everything and everything in it's place. There would not be more toys than one child could possibly play with in a lifetime sitting on the kitchen table, let alone in the whole of the house. There would not be a need for 30 toy boxes and chests that were over flowing in every conceivable room of the house. There would be one and it would be upstairs along with shelving and cubbies to hold books and whatnots.

I know how to do all this organizing. I know exactly what needs to be done. The real problem is, I can't do it alone, it is almost insurmountable for one person to accomplish.  If this was 10 or 15 years ago, I would still have the energy to do all this organizing. Ten or 15 years ago I would not have felt so helpless to stop the rising tide of the junk. Ten or 15 years ago, this wouldn't have happened because I would not have allowed it to happen. I would have put my foot down back then.

Now I don't have the strength to do it. Now I am at their mercy because I can't fight them both, let alone singularly. My real problem is that I am alone in the desire to have things clean and organized. This adds to my feelings of isolation and loneliness. No one shares my vision and I am incapable physically of carrying out my vision for a home and property that looks pleasing to the eye and doesn't smell like animal excrement.

Thank god this stupid yard sale thing is only one weekend a year. Not that she doesn't find other yard sales during the rest of the year, it's just this big ass yard sale weekend is when the most junk comes in the house all at once.  Out of all of this I think the thing that bothers me the most is that Sue is teaching Kaitlyn to love yard sales. I am hoping I die before Kaitlyn ever gets old enough to bring home as much useless junk as her mother does.

And now you have an idea why my home is the way it is.

Knowing me, knowing you, It's the best I can do....

There are two distinct clues that are dead give aways that I am a boomer fag.

1. I love Judy Garland

2. I love Abba

There are other clues, like I love to decorate and cook weird gormet things. People might think this is my girl side, but I promise, there is nothing girlie about me. Trust me if it's anything, it's the queen in me coming out.

On the other hand I love Sinead O'Conner and I am not sure if that is a fag thing or not.  Sue is playing Sinead right now and it is making me happy.

So I asked Sue if I get rich, would she mind if I had a sex change and she said no she didn't mind.  I told her I really just want these useless tits god chose to make my life miserable over removed.  Not gonna lose my hair by taking T. I like my hair, I do not want to be bald.

If I finally do get rich, I am going to have plastic surgery too.  I am vain, this I will admit, and it is such a fag thing too.

I think I am ready for bed now. Had a long day working.

Angels are decending upon you now, so get ready.

Lucy in Disguise With Glasses!

You are going to have to be 900 years old like me to remember that song. If I recall correctly, I think it came out the same year that Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds came out for the Beatles. I am going to embarrass myself right now by not bothering to remember what album LSD was on. I hope you see the correlation to dropping acid and the title of that Beatles' song. It was purposeful on John Lennon's part, trust me.

At any rate, my post however has nothing to do with John Lennon, nor hallucinogenic drugs. It however has everything to do with the need for eyeglasses in this household. My glasses are in serious need of the prescription being upped as my old eyes get even worse. Sue's glasses, if I recall correctly, were thrown on the pyre that issued forth as a result of a massive clean up at our old property when we were about to put up a new house.  This would have been in July of 98, so Sue has been glassless for sometime now.

What brought this whole thought process on is that I purchase several used books online from Amazon.com and the one I was most anxiously awaiting, turns out to have the tiniest print known to man as the font size. That sucks because I am having a hell of a time getting into it. The problem is, I cannot read it fast enough because I can't see the fucking words. It's sort of technical, so I really can't just miss a word or two here and there or by the time I get to the end of a paragraph, nothing makes any sense. I then end up having to reread the damn thing just to figure out what is really being said. It sucks, trust me.

So I got this new optical insurance thing a few months ago and I am trying to find out what doctors honor that insurance around here. I want to get Sue in as soon as I can and get her some new glasses. It might seem like a surprise to some of you, but Sue is a voracious reader and probably reads 3 books to my one. It might not appear that way to the casual observer as I usually have 5 or 6 books going at once. The truth is, I do have 5 or 6 books going at once and I seldom finish them. Sue on the other hand picks up a book, starts it and has it done within a day or two. It might be 6 months to never before I finish a book. Ok, I get bored easily and am off to the next thing before I finish the last one. It takes a fabulous author a fascinating subject or both to get me to finish a book in a sitting or two.

But I digress. Even more importantly though, I want to get Kaitlyn in for an eye exam before school starts. I don't want her to get left behind just because she cannot see the letters or numbers (even though it's only kindergarten).

So now I am going to go back to attempting to read this damn book with the microscopic font size. Wish me luck, I know I am going to need it....

Angels are on their way.....

Sam and Janet Evening....

I can never emphasize enough the importance of letting your heart love another utterly and completely.

I was having this conversation with a friend last night and he thinks he has found the love of his life, the woman of his dreams. He's worried he is going to fuck up some how. So I gave him my sage advice.

Love with an open heart. Be as honest as you can allow yourself to be with your feelings. If you feel it, don't shut it off and hold it inside. Let her know the depths of your being, show her your real heart.

Sex is important because it is your opportunity to show her with the whole of your passion just how much you do love her. Sex however is not nearly as important as keeping your heart open even when she has done something that has hurt you.

Live in the moment, love like there is no tomorrow. Let all that is in your being flow in and through her. Let her touch your heart. Love her unconditionally, never build boundaries that put limits on who she is as a person. In other words, don't judge or condemn her for anything.

Let every moment be joyous together. Don't be jealous or possessive. Allow her the freedom to be all of who she is. Encourage her in all that she strives to become or do.  Love her in the way you want someone else to love you.

Most of all, love yourself first. In loving yourself, you are able to love others more deeply and unconditionally. Seek your own connection with yourself and the universe. Awaken spiritually first and all these things will flow to you, including your great love, your soul mate.

And remember, as fabulous as sex might be, taking time to make incredible passionate love once in a while is the best sex ever.

St. Peter don't you call me cause I can't go, cause I owe my soul to the company store..

Last night as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep I had this great dialog going in my head for a blog post.  I was just rocking and rolling with great ideas. But this all occurred at 3am and I wasn't exactly in a space to get up and actually do something about it physically. I chose to take the risk that I would remember at least some of it when I awoke.

Unfortunately for me, I was awakened early by a customer in need (No really? What a shocker!) and I never actually got a chance to sit down and really let it all flow back in so that I could get it down here.

Tomorrow I will be waking myself up early for a long day or work. I have a 9am quickie and then it's off the Pat Fitzsimmon's B&B to install dead bolts and lever sets. I need to mention here that there are about 30 locksets involved, so this is more than an all day gig with all the drilling and rekeying. But this is ok cause when I am done I will be able to pay the mortgage payment that is past due. Have I mentioned that things have been dead business wise around these them there parts? This job is a welcome relief and Pat keeps this particular part of the renovation ice cold with the air conditioner so I am a happy boy! It's been miserably hot here the last two days and I had a minor little heat thing happen today that sent me indoors with nausea and dizziness. I never have done well in hot places or in summer time.

Since I will be busy for the next few days, I will probably not be here much. It's all good cause it all means money is flowing in again. This is the joys and pains of owning your own business. Two weeks with virtually no business tends to wear thin on your nerves after a while.

Anyway, see you in a few days. Peace to all and here come the angels!

make it a Hurricane, before I go insane....

For the font size challenged, here's some bigger font. This help you any honey? I am not going to do this every time so say thank you now for this little gift.

I had this whole post written this afternoon with the exception of picking out a song title and adding the closing statements, the wrap up so to speak. Suddenly, as I was talking with Moonie in IMs,  I got overwhelmingly tired and needed to go lay down. So without thinking I clicked offline and as I hit the button I saw my post sitting down at the bottom of my page and I just kind of went  "Arg!" as I watched it disappear with AOHell's traditional "Goodbye".  Funny, it didn't really bum me out all that much. Shit happens ya know?

I am drinking a Guiness Extra Stout pint right now. It goes down so slow and easy.  I haven't had a drink in a super long time. So if I am able to complete this Guniss, I will most probably be wasted out of my gourd.  I used to drink a lot when Ky was still here. She used to bring me home a bottle or two of Chenin Blanc often. I would get plastered off two bottles of wine. Ky drank Cook's Extra Dry. I am actually amazed that I remember what she likes to drink.  I am pretty bad with things like what you like to drink or your birthday, favorite color, here's a good one, I'll forget your eye color too. I am pretty sure Ky's eyes are blue. Sue's are kind of the blue/gray/green, they change colors on her all the time.

Ok, this was enough. I am done and off to bed.

Hope all is well in everyone's world out there.

 

Some enchanted evening... when you find your true love, when you see her face, across a crowded room

Ok, fess up, people are reading my journal here, people besides me and the two other people who are already reading it anyway.

I guess I better shut up cause I will probably freak you all out and you will all go away. I am actually having this flirting conversation right now with a friend, not to mention it feels like someone feels like they are sitting on my head with their spirit. So it's disconserning to try to multi-task like this.

Flirting in IMs, blogging and trying to hold someone's spirit on your head while they are having these wonderful feelings they are sharing with you is kind of like juggling a peach, a portable Smith-Corona and a cloud flilled with a light, almost feathery syrup.

Have you ever met your soul mate? Held her in your arms? Loved her tenderly with all the passion that was in your being? I think I have met a few soul mates in my short 50 years. I don't believe in that Twin Flame shit. But I do believe there are spirits that we incarnate with over and over again who we share a special connection with.

Real love doesn't come along very often. So when you find it you need to hold it tenderly, treat it like a precious and rare gift. Because it is just that, a gift so precious you need to cherish it with all of your being.

I cherish all of my loves. Every soul mate I have chanced to encounter in this life time.

Come what may, I will love you until my dying day.