Like a candle in the wind (cont)

I knew her story well. She was the unwanted child, Terri had never wanted either one of these children, but Ally was especially unwanted. Vic had forced her to have this last child. He thought it would settle her down and make her become the good wife and mother he wanted. It didn't work and Terri finally threw Vic out and that was when I came back into Vic and Terri's life and entered the picture of raising their children. (I might want to note here that Terri was a roommate of mine in my Mother's commune, right after I was out of high school. When Vic and she were married at the end of 72, I moved in with them a few months later in March of 73. I lived with them until I met Pat and we moved in together. Terri is 7 days younger than I am, her birthday is 5-28-54)

I knew every intimate detail of their lives. I knew how Terri really felt about the children (she loved them but was very angry over them). I knew too much, which is why my tears flowed so freely for Ally. I also knew what it felt like to be the unwanted child. My mother had not wanted me either. I knew the ache of feeling unloved. Holding that child and crying with her over something neither of us could control was an epiphany for me.

Ally was metaphorically a lot like me. The unwanted wild child, the one who was head strong and did as she pleased through whatever means necessary. Here were two wild unwanted children, a generation apart, holding on to each other for dear life, crying with each other. Ally finally fell asleep while we cried. I laid her down and tucked her in and then I crawled in next to her and fell asleep holding my little unwanted wild child.

I learned a lot from those two children. I often wonder how they are. Rachie I am not so worried about. But I wonder how Ally is doing. Is she happy? Did she ever (will she ever) find someone to just love her?  Because in the end, that was all we both really wanted, to just have someone that really loved us. It wasn't too much to ask.