Just so you know, I am still on my old computer. This makes journaling here difficult at best.

So anyway, I have been home from Florida for almost 2 days. I am still ultra tired. I don't know why I am tired, I had a fabulously relaxing time there in Daytona. Maybe it's cause I didn't go to bed until 2 and 3 in the morning almost every night. This old body here is not used to being up that late and then getting up before noon.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time at Carol, Belinda and Raven's little home. They were graciously wonderful hosts and let me just veg, which is what I needed. I spent most of my time hanging out in their screened in patio (commonly referred to as a Florida Room).  It's the only place you can smoke in their house, so we were all out there a whole lot smoking, drinking coffee (Raven's fabulous coffee) and shooting the chit, commonly known as chatting.

I guess in a way it was like being in a chatroom on AOL. Everybody who was there was someone I knew from chatrooms on AOL. Wolfie was there, having just gotten out of the hospital a few days before my arrival. I think she was technically supposed to have gone back to NC to begin packing her life up there when she got sick and had to be hospitalized. Instead she spent a few weeks in a Florida hospital (weathering out Frances there).  Tig was also there having flown in the morning of my arrival to MCO. More on Tig later.

And then there was Tonia, Carol's best friend. A fellow Taurus, she was as charming as all get out. Witty, charming, brilliant, loving, there are not enough adjectives to describe this little powerhouse of personality. Just a genuine pleasure to hang around. She is also the mother of the cutest baby in the whole wide world.

I had a really great time just hanging around and yacking with folk. I got to spend some really quality time with Raven talking about transgendered issues. I don't know about Raven, but I found a real kindred spirit in him. It can really suck being transgendered in this culture, so having someone to sit around with and talk about the issues you face is affirming to the spirit. And then there was his kick ass coffee. I could have sat around drinking that all day long. Oh wait, I did just that <grin>.

I had gotten myself one hell of a bad sunburn before I got there. I spent 10 minutes in a tanning booth only to burn the living hell out of my body. Carol spent most of her time peeling away dead skin off me and putting aloe on to soothe the pain. She will never know how much I actually appreciated her doing this for me.

It's was Belinda's birthday weekend, so Friday night we went out to see the drag show at one of the local haunts. That was riotous fun. Belinda got lap danced twice from her favorite queen. Her name was Iman and man she was some kind of mocha HOT HOT HOT!  She sang happy birthday to Belinda and then for her last performance, she came out in nothing but electrical and duct tape barely covering her. OMG, OMG, OMG!! If that wasn't HOT enough, she then came over and gave Belinda her final lap dance of the night. This is a birthday I know Belinda will remember for a long, long time. I know I am not going to forget Belinda's birthday for a long time anyway <grin>.

Carol and I went swimming in their pool a few times with Belinda joining us for a short while the first time. It was nice just floating around in there relaxing. They have the kind of above ground that Sue wants to get. I would like to get one too, but the cost of having the excavation done to level the earth would be cost prohibitive. We just don't have enough flat land in private enough places to put a pool on.

So now on to Tig. Tig is Wolfie's love. I think Wolfie knows this but, man is she lucky. Tig is just the sweetest, cutest person you will meet in a long time. Endearing is a good word to describe how I experienced Tig. She reminded me a lot of Sue. New York accent and all. Tig is one of those sweethearts that you just want to pick up and squeeze em and hug em and pet em. Just as adorable as they come. Just for the record, I didn't pick up and squeeze, hug or pet Tig. I don't think she would have appreciated it much. She really is an adult, despite her cute, boyish nature.  I refrained from such behavior out of respect.  I just want her to know that it was hard though. I just wanted to give her a big hug every time I walked by. Tig is coming back there to live the end of the month. She got herself a little apartment and is coming back to be near Wolfie soon.

Carol, Tonia and I went to the beach my last day there for about an hour or so. It was very over cast, and sprinkled a few times. It was windy as all heck (30 mile an hour gusts) and the waves were 8 to 10 feet, breaking close to shore and about 30 feet apart. Storm waves. I figured it might be coming from Jean, but it was hard to say since Ivan was lingering in and around the pan handle and was coming back around to the gulf about then.  I still enjoyed being there despite the weather conditions. Once in a while a guy just needs some salt water around him ya know?

There was a lot of damage from Frances all around. Carol said I should have seen it before the clean up began. I believed her. What I saw was bad enough.

At any rate, I can't thank Belinda and Carol enough for bringing me there for a little vacation. I guess I needed it more than I thought I did. I was so relaxed by the 4th day that I had completely forgotten about all the shit back home that I had to deal with whenI got back. Funny, the day before I had to leave, the knots started to return in my shoulders and back. Like my body was trying to tell me that I was going back to all the shit I live with daily.  I am still not completely back yet in my head. I am still just trying to chill out and relax in the comfort of my dear friend's Florida Room. Still just hangin and chattin in my head and heart.....

Thanks again guys, I had a fabulously wonderful, relaxing time. Which is exactly what I needed. <big smoochers> I miss you all bunches!

I really haven't had a whole lot to say lately. Actually I have had things to say, but I usually am not sitting here at the computer when these brainchildren invade my consciousness. So by the time I get here, I have forgotten it all.

I really don't have a whole lot to say tonight either. I am trying to get ready to leave for Florida and make as much money as I can before I leave. Getting ready has included putting out $300 getting my car fixed so that I can drive to KC, MO to catch my plane. That's $300 I don't have to spare, but I have no other way to get up there without fixing my car.

I am having anxiety attacks over all this because I can't afford it. Sue just spent over $600 going to NY last week. Whether she knows it or not, it blew what I had saved for the mortgage this month.  Add to that I had a really bad week in business last week and Sue didn't work last week so there was no income there.  So add all that up and we are broke and I am about to leave on a vacation where I am supposed to relax.

That ain't gonna happen cause I will be stressing over money the whole time I am gone too. The whole time I am gone I will be having to pay Bill to be here and run the business. That is going to cost me money. So not only do I  lose money because I am not working, I have to pay to lose that money because I am not there.

You can see where I could be really stressed out now can't you?

Anyway, I am out of here.  I need to go stress somewhere else now......

Never underestimate the power of 18th century French philosophers....

Guardian angels God will send thee...

There's one thing you learn when you are a parent (or in my case at the moment, a grandparent). People are just going to have to put up with your pictures of the kids, period.

So these are my two grandkid pictures for the next month or two (there are many, many more, so trust me I am being kind here). So far, these are my two favorites out of the millions available.

When I look in this child's face, I don't just see Gina, I see Debbie's face too. But then on the other hand, the more I look at my own child's face, the more I see Debbie's face in her face. The older she gets, the more she looks like her mother.

I am sad in a way though. I still don't get credit for being a grandparent. I still don't get credit for loving and raising Gina as if she were my own flesh and blood. At least not with Clay's family or even my own. And why do you ask do I not get any credit? Because of their fucking suck ass religion. I am so over Christianity it ain't funny. That religion has caused me nothing but grief my whole life.  I suspect any organized man made religion would make me feel the same way though. I am not religious and I never will be. I am spiritual and I have a deep understanding of things not seen.

What I hope for my children is that I have/am implanting in them the ability to "see" with their hearts. To listen to that inner voice. It's not that hard. You need only quiet yourself inside and the truth wil come to you.....