Personal Daily Horoscope of Wednesday, 15 March 2006
for J, born 21 May 1954 ©Astrodienst AG    A fresh breeze *** Valid during many months: This influence stimulates your emotional life. You will experience your own feelings and allow yourself to look at the world subjectively. Your own inner feelings and your attitudes toward the world will seem as important as whatever you consider to be true or real in the external world. At this time you feel what you want to feel.

This effect manifests itself in a variety of ways. First of all, you will demand more emotional satisfaction in your relationships. It will not be enough for a relationship simply to go on as it has. If your existing friendships and love relationships do not meet your needs, you will find new ones that do. Your goal is freedom of emotional self-expression and experience.

Another manifestation of this influence is that you are likely to make changes in your home environment, demanding that it too be more emotionally satisfying. At this time it is not enough that your house is adequate to keep out the rain. You want it to be as interesting and stimulating as any other aspect of your life.

As your ability to experience your inner life is stimulated, your imagination will also be stimulated. You will see how you can make your life more interesting in areas that you had never considered before. Also the intellectual and emotional functions of your mind are more unified now. This is an extremely good time for creative work, not because it directly stimulates creativity, but because it makes you see and feel from new perspectives, which gives your creative work a new freshness and innovative quality.

 

This is my horoscope. This is my horoscope on drugs. I am not sure if this sounds good or if it sounds scary. Maybe it's scary good or something. I am too tired to "feel" much of anything right now. Except maybe trepidation. And angst. Angsty trepidation.

I am not feeling particularly creative tonight, but then this isn't supposed to start until tomorrow. So I still have a few hours before any of this should set in right?  I was supposed to feel emotional two days ago. That didn't happen anymore on that day than it normally does.

I am so exhausted tonight that I think I am beyond feeling right now. Except maybe an almost constant and certain loss, a sadness, a mourning, deep within my being. Something that could grow into some seriously real feelings eventually.

Even my body is too tired to feel. I am numb and tired from everything. I just want to lay down and drift off into a dream of shear joy. Go somewhere that I am loved as unconditionally as I attempt to love others.

I fail ocassionally in that unconditional love thing you know. I fail to meet my own need for unconditional love of myself. I can't seem to love me enough to fill all the various empty places inside me. Occassionally I find myself wishing someone else besides me really loved me. Completely and utterly loved the whole of my being. Not ever having that as a regular part of my daily existance ever, tends to break my heart. I wish it didn't, I sincerely wish I was above the need for love from someone special in my life, but I am not. And that my friends tends to make me hurt, a lot.

It also causes severe depression.

I will never forget the night that little 3 year old Allison Vania Hemme laid there in my arms sobbing, crying out "I just want someone to love me."  Oh, how that tore me to the very core of my being. Ally my darling child, my beloved little girl, so do I. So do I.

So do we all. Just want someone to love us, just as we are, for who we are, no conditions attached. I am sorry Ally, that kind of love seldom exists in this world. And finding someone who is able to love you like that is nearly impossible. Because, unfortunately, you are dealing with a world of very hurt and damaged souls. Just like yourself. Wounded too deeply and so far separated from the source of their core being to be able to see past their own pain and truly love someone else, let alone themselves unconditionally.

And that my dearest little Allison, my dearest little J, is the truth about life.

Was that enough less than passionate feeling for you all tonight? I hope so. Because I am done now.

Ciao