Why do I not forgive you? Because you do not deserve to be forgiven yet.

You tried to destroy my reputation and my life. You almost succeeded in both areas. What you didn't anticipate was my tenatious ability to hang on and survive despite your vicious attacks against me. I think you thought I would just roll over and die like your victim before me did. Well, I haven't and I won't.

What I will continue to do is act as if you are dead. Because to me, until you come to the realization that you have seriously harmed yourself and so many others with your behavior, you are dead to me. You are worried about your karma, and so you should be. You can't keep this pathological lying up forever without karma biting your ass someday. Until you are clean of this karmic shit you have created for years and years in your life, I can't and won't allow your energy near my life or family. Hence, you are dead to me until you chose life for yourself instead of the death you have created all around you with your sickness.

And when your world comes crashing to an end (which it will eventually, lies can only sustain themselves for so long), no one will be there for you to help fix what you have created. You will be the one thing you fear the most, alone.

So stop playing the martyr because I ignore your presence when you are around me. And stop acting as if there is no reason for me to be angry with you, and as if you did nothing to deserve what you receive from me (which is to be totally ignored as if you are not there or exist at all).

It's your karma now. She will die because of your need for a lesson from the universe. She has no other way to escape the world you have entrapped her in and so you will reap the lesson with her accidentally killing herself. I feel sorry for her, not you. She is weaker than the last few people you have raped and pillaged from, she will not survive your illness. This is your karma, not hers. She has attempted for months to get away from you and can find no way to escape you. I kind of have a feeling that when she dies, you still won't get it, you are incapable of getting "it".

All you have to do is come to the full realization of all you have done and see that you have some serious amends to make to many, many people you havefucked over in your life (start with your own self). Your doing that will free you from some serious karmic shit that's on it's way to you right now. And letting her go just might save her life.

But that is not going to happen, not now anyway. And it's too bad because her time is almost up. Karma, it's a bitch when it slaps you upside the head. I know from personal experience. But then, I woke up and came to that realization one day. But not before it was too late and someone had to die too young because I needed a lesson. Yeah, that's right, Debbie's accidental overdose was my karmic lesson. Hard one to take, losing everything you ever worked for in your life, your home, your career, your partner of so many years, all because you were stubborn and bullheaded about how sick and fucked up you really are. Too bad, so sad.

I woke up, but not before it was far too late. Will you wake up before it's far too late? I think not.

How long will you keep lying to yourself?