I dreamed last night that I was at my Dad's house. Other than I have never been to, nor seen my Dad's house (he lives in a condo in Vegas), the only thing odd about dreaming I was at my Dad's house was that it was an actual house and was probably 10,000 sq ft or more. Just an fyi, I doubt my Dad's condo is more than 2000 sq ft if that much. When he bought that place, he was scaling down. Oh yeah, and for some reason, he also owned the really small house next door too.

This house was very dark and masculine and looked to have been decorated last in the late 50's or very early 60's. All dark wood panel and dark tweed materials on the furniture. There was even a room that appeared to be the security room with TVs and an intercom system all right out of an early 60's sci-fi/James Bond movie.

So I am at my Dad's house and after hanging with him in what I guessed to be a massively huge screening room (if you are from LA you will know what that is in a private residence), I decide to go check out the house next door.

In the house next door, it's all light and airy, in pastel yellows, greens and reds, checks and solids, very delicate and feminine. Very much like Helen. Now Helen's house I had seen way back when Dad and Helen lived in Manila. It looked nothing like this little delicate and feminine house. The house in Manila reflected Dad and Helen's travels around the world, even down to the wood furniture which was a carved teak.

Despite this house not looking like anything I had known Helen to be like, I knew this was Helen's house. I grew nostalgic and longed to see Helen while I stood there in "Helen's" kitchen. I looked over at one of the small hanging ceiling lights and knew that if Helen was there that she would move one of them to try to let me know she was there. Sure enough, with in moments, the light began to sway about 6 to 8 inches back and forth in such a way that it was impossible to deny what you were seeing.

I started to cry and told Helen it was good to see her again. It did my heart good to know she was there. And then suddenly, Helen was there, in the flesh. But she was dressed as if she had just walked off the Donna Reed Show and was living in black and white. Even her hair was done up in a late 50's early 60's hairdo that typified a housewife's do of TV sitcoms of the day. She told me she had a lot of laundry to do and showed me the laundry room in Dad's big house. It was about the size of the downstairs of my house and was actually two rooms, both filled with relatively new washing machines. There were probably 20 or more washing machine/dryer combos in those two rooms. I knew they had come with the house when Dad bought it, and I couldn't figure out why the previous owner had installed so many washing machines.

The next thing I knew I was in a bedroom back in the smaller house. For some reason I knew this was mine and Debbie's master bedroom. A relatively similar theme as the rest of Helen's house ran in this room too. The only thing that made this room odd was that the bed was just a very large California king mattress on the floor. It had a beautiful bedspread and pillows and everything nice, but it was just a mattress, no box spring, no frame, nada. I went to the dresser where all of Debbie's things were and noticed that there was still trash in the small trash can beside the dresser. I found it odd that I hadn't taken all that out and done something with it to keep it in a sacred place since it was Debbie's last trash (how I knew this I will never know). And then I started to cry because Kaitlyn was missing her Mommy and there was nothing I could do to make Mommy rise from the dead.

I could really use my Dad's help right now, but he is not going to help me out and I am not going to ask because I refuse to be hurt again by his rejection. I think that huge dark house represented my Dad to me, formidable and inhospitable. The little house was Helen's light and unconditionally loving being.

The whole dream disturbed me. Especially the last part in mine and Debbie's bedroom. Dreams of the dead (although unless something happened in the last 3 days that I don't know about yet, my Dad was the only person besides me in that dream that is still alive) are pretty obvious. At least to me they are. I don't think the dead are trying to talk with you through your dreams or anything like that. For me, I pulled up two people in my life, both who are dead and had them in some way there to comfort me. Helen being around was some comfort in a way. Debbie wasn't really there where I could see her, but her spirit was around. I know in my dream I was pulling her up because I need her comfort right now too. Unfortunately her part in last night's dream was not very comforting. But I also woke up sick as a dog last night during her part of the dream. So I will never know what I would have morphed this part of the dream into had it been allowed to continue.