Ok, so I am going to drive 600 miles in a few hours. I thought I might actually want to dump something here for this date since I will most likely not be home before the calendar change at midnight.
Anyway, the depression is back in a big, big way. Lots of not so great shit happening to make me wish it or I would all go away. Most of it is something I can do nothing about other than be at the mercy of others, which is what is causing the depression in the first place. It's financial and unless I win the lottery or I inherit a rather large sum of money very, very soon, I am so fucked it's not funny.
We all think we are so free, but watch them manipulate the economy and cause a serious downturn and see how free we feel when our jobs disappear or, as in my case, your business is so slow that you are not sure how you will maintain the phones, let alone pay your vendors. It's times like this that I swear suicide starts looking like a mighty viable option. This is the honest truth, I am so weary of this world that if I did not have a family to feed, clothe and house it would be all over and the vultures of international finance could just send their minions to come and pick my bones clean after my death.
There are a lot of people who would say that is the coward's way out, but I disagree. I think it is simply acknowledging the fact that you are tired of these lessons for now and wish to go elsewhere to continue school. Unfortunately, as I have stated previously, suicide is not an option. I have a family and I must do everything I can morally and ethically to provide for them. I could go ahead and leave, but I can't bring myself to do it morally on those grounds alone. I have to take care of them because it is a moral agreement I signed the contract on 7 years ago. This would not be a good thing to leave them bereft and so I stay and am miserbly unhappy in this life time.
See how life sucks?
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