I did a tarot reading on the outcome of 2 separate yet connect relationships in the last day or so. I almost always do simple 3 card spreads, past, present and future outcome cards. The first reading I asked for the outcome of the first relationship (the wholistic relationship, friendship and love relationship) at it's end and the timing on that ending. The second reading I asked if the friendship could ever be reconciled, and if it was to be reconciled, the timing on it.

The first card in the first reading was the Tower, that made the ending of the relationship a past tense event. The Devil and Death had come up in the two prior readings on this relationship in the present and future, so the Tower showing up in the past position wasn't really all that shocking. It simply means that the relationship is over and that they are now stuck living with each other because one of them no longer has a working vehicle and the other one has no home.

The second card, the present position was Justice.  Balance, adjustments in relationships, unfairness, lies and betrays being exposed and judged, fairness. Might not be the ending you want, but it will be Just nonetheless. It also indicates the refusal of one or both persons in a relationship to give in to the other or to help correct the problem in the relationship. In a friendship it can indicate that if there is a dispute between the friends, that only one of them is going to have the gonads to come forward to make things right in the friendship.

The last card, the future outcome card was the Two of Swords. Again, blindfolded justice, holding out 2 equally balanced swords. Whatever comes will not last, but it will appease the situation for the moment.

So I thought about these three cards and the people for whom they were drawn. The present and future cards seemed out of place considering that the Tower means that the relationship as they know it is permanently over. The last two cards are not exactly about reconciliation, but they are about balance, justice in an unfair situation and blind, balanced fairness. So I asked my guides if the Tower meant that the relationship was already over between them and it answered in the affirmative. The relationship, whether they know it or not is over.

I am thinking that the Justice card means that they are at this time being judged for the relationship and their part in it. So whatever the accessment of the relationship, it will be honestly and fairly just. This relationship has never been about fairness or balance. It has, since the very beginning (go back to around June or July of 06)  been about the selfish, wanton, physical desires of both parties involved. It has never been about love no matter what they wanted to believe. Which is actually why this relationship is over whether they still live in the same house or not. At this point, living in that house together is pure need on both their parts. And until they can get out of the place where they need to use each other, they are going to be miserably unhappy.

So I am guessing that at this point the universe is judging them as fairly as it can for their actions (past and present) and they will and are reaping the just rewards of their actions with each other. Based on the future card, I am guessing that they are not going to like that accessment or final judgement.

Now the second reading never really happened. That is due in part to the fact that as I shuffled the cards the Justice card fell out of the deck. Generally speaking, if a card falls out of the deck when you are reading, then that means that that card is most probably the card you needed to recieve in your reading.

Fair and balanced justice. Neither party may be happy with the outcome, but nonetheless it will be fair and just and probably just what each party involved needed to help with their growth as a person. Also, in a friendship, one of the two will have to be the one to come forward to reconcile the relationship if there is a rift. The other party will not have the ability, maturity or gonads to do so.

So I have been sitting here contemplating all of this for the last hour or two. I realised something about me a little bit ago. I am still too wounded from the intensity and depth of the betrayals to have a conversation with my former lover. So a reconciliation is not near at hand.  She knows what she has done and she knows how deeply she has wounded me. I am letting sleeping dogs lie until I am healed more.

Why do I not heal quickly from all she did to me? Because I have to see her face and the face of my other backstabbing betraying ex-friend far too often. If I didn't have to see them live, upclose and in person on a regular basis, I might heal faster. I notice on those weeks where I seldom see either one of them that I feel much more centered and stronger, like I am healing from the wounds. On weeks where I have to be around her and the slut she's been fucking more than occassionally, it wears me down emotionally and I feel like I have taken two steps backward.

It doesn't really help to know that their relationship is over. What would help is at least having that former lover of mine apologise for the lies she told about me and clearing my name. Her slut can apologise all she wants to me, but I honestly do not want someone like that around in my world in any way shape or form. I don't trust her or her energy. She is one sick fuck whore and I do not want her or her behavior near my life.

Former lover on the other hand, well, she is a sick fuck too, but her undoing what she did by unlying the lies she told about me to other people will at least make her tolerable in my world. I still don't want her in my life, but I will at least be friendly with her if she does undo all she did to me wih the people she lied to about me.