We got home Sunday night. Physically weary and heavy with grief.

I have never been one of the ones having to make funeral decisions before. That was a new experience I never want to have to do again. I learned that funeral homes routinely fuck over the bereaved every chance they get. I learned this is standard industry practice, not from them, I just experienced them doing what apparently funeral homes do everyday to millions of mourning families. I actually learned this from a friend who told me that is what 99% of all funeral homes do to everyone. I won't get into all the particulars here, but suffice to say, we were fucked over pretty bad.

I have decided, after this new learning experience, exactly what I am going to do when I go to buy my prepaid cremation services. I am signing nothing contractually until the exact verbiage I want to see in the contract is in there. If Marty knew what these bastards had done to us, he would be suing their asses from here to eternity. I personally do not want my family to have to worry about having to sue anyone for being bastards to them while they are in mourning.

So here's the deal, no hidden fees the family has no idea is going to come up at the last minute. No extra charges of any kind that I didn't pay for up front with my prepaid package. If they throw anything at my family that is an extra charge, they will be in breach of contract and it will automatically generate a law suit against them from my estate.

I am not sure yet if this whole experience has changed my perspective on life. It sure has made me angry and bitter for the moment though. From the doctors and the hospitals to the Meadows, to the funeral home, all of this has been a nightmare. Not something I am going to forget about any time in this lifetime anyway.

So it's Christmas, we had no money left for Christmas after the fuck over from the Meadows and the funeral home, so we faked it with whatever we could scrape together at the last moment on Christmas Eve. Thankfully we had bought all of Kaitlyn's gifts before all this shit came down on us. What we didn't get before Marty died, we bought in Florida. Barb came through on lots of extra stuff for Kaitlyn, that was a god send that fluffed the tree for us. What we hadn't done is buy presents for us adults. So we literally faked presents until such time as we have money to buy us all the things we requested. I had managed to get Sue two of the things she asked for before this all happened, and they were nice things. But they were small and certainly not all she had asked for either.

I am laughing inside because I had sincerely thought that this year I was actually going to have all my Christmas gift shopping done before Christmas. I was so close too. I ordered almost everything online early and it all arrived by the beginning of December. I actually only had another $100 or so at Walmart to finish off Sue and then another hundred or so to finish off Glen. But things began to take a nose dive the first week of December and then just went from bad to worse. That was the end of having an ordinary Christmas for us. It didn't get ruined, but all this certainly put a damper on everything.

This morning was bitter sweet for me. Watching K open her presents made everything happier. She was excitedly stoked by everything she got. Glen and Sue loved their presents, what little they had from me. I loved what I got from them. I am easy to buy for, just buy me practical presents I can use and you will make me happy. What was missing was Marty sharing his first Christmas in Arkansas with us. But we also missed getting to have him here to light the Menorah too. Lighting the Menorah at the hospital wasn't the same thing as having it at home and playing games and having a feast with him.

Ok, I am going to rest a little. We are off to the Shaws for Christmas with them later this afternoon. I need to rest now because Sue and I were up until almost 3 am last night. I am too old for that kind of late night shit and then getting up at the crack of dawn anymore.

Hope your Christmas was sweet.