I used to think, or at least thought back when I became aware that what made me so friggen different was my being gay, that straight people really had it made. Especially straight biological males.

 

I could never figure out why they ever got sad or unhappy about anything. Nobody wanted to kill them for being different, because, well, they weren't different. They fit in, round peg to round hole. No square peg being shoved mercilessly into a round hole. What did they have to complain about?

 

That was the uncomplicated thinking of a 12 year old. Now I know that life is a little more complex than just an issue of whether someone wants to kill you for being born different. Now I know that lots of people are born different and that difference has nothing to do with their affectional orientation, nor their gender identity. Their differences are however, enough to make some people kill them just because of who they were born.

 

Unfortunately for me, the one thing about me that makes me stand out is my gender identity disorder. You could tell me you would give me several million dollars if I would start acting and dressing like Jane Seymour (I tried to pick someone beautiful in my own age group thank you) and I might give it a try to get your money off you, but you can't make a square peg fit in a round hole. Basically what you would get is a biological female who acts and looks like a man dressing up in drag and parading around acting like a drag queen. If you think I couldn't pull Marilyn Monroe off for a few weeks (tops btw) you are wrong, I could. I can act rather well when I have to do improv. Don't give me a script though, I will fail you miserably.

 

I learned to dress like a girl and do my make up from a black drag queen. He was my room mate. My make up tended to be a little dark back in those days. Even when he was no longer my room mate, I still bought darker bases when I had to do make up for work or whatever. If I had to buy make up now, I promise you I would need to go to the make up counter at Dillards and have the make up girl help me pick shit out. I have no idea what to buy to fit my skin tone. I tend to go a little flamboyant when doing my own make up. Not exactly as flamboyant as Tammy Faye (God rest her soul), but bad enough that there is no way you are going to second guess if I have make up on or not. It's very apparent.

 

But back to straight people. I am not straight. I wouldn't be straight even if I was a biological male. There's something about the straight culture at large that I just can't totally fit into or feel completely comfortable with. It's not their affectional orientation, it's something else, something I can't quite put my finger on. I have plenty of straight friends. They love me, I love them, no one gives a rat's ass about the other person's affectional orientation. I think what it might be, at least partly, is that I always have in the back of my mind lurking somewhere that they (the straight people) would still kill me if they were forced to do so, say, by the government or something. Not my friends, but straight people at large.

 

Kill me dead just like they killed millions of Jews and other folk who could not hide who they were from Hitler's Nazi regime. They even killed us gay and transgendered folk way back when during the holocaust. Kill the easy targets, kill those that hatred can be whip up into a frenzy over if the need arises. Blacks, Jews, queers, trannys, Hispanics, Muslims, whatever. Whip up that hatred and give the general populace an all clear go ahead to mass murder folk and you'll have a blood bath on your hands. Sounds like lots of good clean government approved fun. You'd even have lots of closeted queers joining in on this fun.

 

Now would all straight people join in this feeding frenzy? Hell no. Bunches of them would tell the government to fuck off for as long as possible. Right up until the government had imprisoned and murdered enough of them that they feared deeply for their own lives. Then they would do whatever they had to do to survive. You say you want to see your 6 year old son again, then do as we command.

 

No, not everyone would jump on the band wagon, but I bet I could estimate that a full 50% of the populace would jump in goose stepping all the way almost immediately.

 

You think not? Who elected (ok, elected was a joke) George Bush twice (don't tell me no one even though it's true)? Right now, if a guy named Sirhan Sirhan assassinated Robert Kennedy again, their would be an anti-Muslim sentiment grow so hard and so fast in this country that it would take nothing to get the government to get you good citizens to help them round up anyone who even looks remotely middle eastern or has the first name of Mohammed (Mohammed Ali included) off to those prison camps they were setting up around the country back in the 80s and 90s.

 

First the Muslims, then the people who protested the Muslims being incarcerated, it's just a short step down the ladder to every other ethnic, religious, or whatever makes you of a different mindset group to become a target for extinction.

 

I have been trying to figure out what kind of brainwashing they are going to do to the American populace once digital television is the only way you can receive your daily mind numbing pabulum. I am wondering if the subliminal messages they will be sending in to our living rooms can be blocked with some kind of device. Surely someone will come up with a blocker, it will just never get out there into the hands of the general public. And the general public will not know they need it anyway. You don't see people in malls with devices to block the subliminal buying messages being piped into their brains over the Muzak. Despite the fact that that was big news back in the 80s, they are still so brainwashed already that the general populace still does not care.

 

Subliminal messages telling the people what to think and believe. Right from your own living room TV. How cool is that? Way better than telling people where to go in a mall and what to buy. Did you ever think you would see that kind of thing in your lifetime? Ok, I did, but then I am a student of history and know precisely how governments and religions have controlled the masses over the millennia. I unfortunately know from my studies just how dangerous power is in the hands of people who run big businesses, governments andreligions. Most people are not students of history, most people are not students of anything. Most people are mindless sheep just trying to make it from pay check to pay check. They are not bad people, not any worse than the good folk of Germany who got whipped up into a feeding frenzy anyway.

 

I think that is what is really is about straight people in general that I feel uncomfortable about. I know that Joe Blow who lives down the street from me would turn my ass in if he is conditioned well enough through brainwashing. Makes you feel special knowing that your neighbor could and would kill your ass to save his own doesn't it? Not because he particularly wants to kill your ass, but because he has had thousands of little blips of information shot into his brain every night while watching American Idol.

 

Blip (queers are bad, they corrupt our great nation). Blip (Islam is an evil religion, they are trying to kill us all). Blip (all Muslims must die to save us). Blip (Christianity is the only real religion). Blip (name your leader here, is a great leader and loves you, do as he/says). Blip, blip, blip, blip, blip. Until you no longer have a mind to call your own.

 

Ah technology. Gotta love it.

 

Btw, I think Suzie is still here, but I still haven't taken the time to figure out if she really is here or not. Maybe later.

 

Ciao