New and improved! I see this goal in sight now. Radical change. That is the goal. Radical, cathartic change of my being or my perception of my beingness. Cathartic personal change for the good of all, within myself, starting here and now, the ultimate goal.

It's starts on the inside and radiates outward. First in the form of thought. I envision the end goal and the cathartic change is set in motion with that visualization. Soon, it's coming, soon... my heart, spirit, body and mind are being prepared for this change, I feel it, feel the subtle shifts in my perception, in the way my spirit feels like chains and fetters are being removed. Self imposed limitations and prisons come a crumblin down around me now.

Much of what I have been spending my time doing within my self of late has been all about coming into my authentic self. For so long now, in fact for almost the whole of my life, except for minor moments, I have allowed my authentic self to be squelched. I have spent a lifetime crushing the real me. For whatever reasons, none of which are valid anyway. Excuses more than anything. Diversions from the real path always.

I just eliminated a diversion from my life recently. It's name was Alyssa Buffer. Don't ever blame her or anyone or thing that has ever come along in my life that has diverted me, because, well, I am the one who called the diversion in to myself. Also, please don't think of everything that comes into my life (or yours) as a pure diversion. Things (people, relationships, whatever) come along to teach you lessons. In the end, it's all good. I would not be where I am at this exact second had the exact things that have occurred in my life lately occurred. They were the catapult, the spring board so to speak. I thank the universe for that opportunity to bring change in my life.

(Just as an aside here, the lesson of Alyssa Buffer is an interesting one in that I am not just healing, I am growing by leaps and bounds with the changes that have occurred of late in that relationship. I am learning much about me and how I really do work and who I really am. It has been an enormous growth booster in me, and in a very good, positive and healing way. Although I miss her tremendously, I am not wishing her back here with me right now. I am not lamenting her being gone. In fact, I feel absolutely the opposite. It feels good that she is gone now and off having to deal with her own growth and cathartic changes in her life without me.

She needs this time for her own healing to occur. Which is why I am sending her healing love and light right now. She will never change or grow if things in her life are not set in motion for that change and growth. She is busy trying to keep diversions in her life right now to keep from having to face the ramifications of major change and growth, but she will get there. Her diversions are also part fo her growth and lessons right now. Too many people are sending out that love and light to her right now. Too much unconditional love out there attempting to give her the tools for change and growth.

She asked me once where I had been all her life. I told her she wasn't ready for me before this time. I told her she had called for me now and I came. Now it was her choice to learn the lessons that having me as a mentor and teacher would bring to her. She may have only seen me as a lover and friend, but I was and am so much more to her. She will learn the lessons the universe had intended for her when she called for a great teacher and lesson to come to her. Whether she knows it consciously or not. She has brought into her life that which will free her from the chains her own self imposed prison has created in her. Healing Love and Light Alyssa, you will heal and be whole. You have called it in to you and so it has come.  Your teacher has set you free to evaluate all you have learned in this last year. Go for it with all your heart my beloved and dear one. Fly and be free my beloved boi.

And now, this whole relationship and where it is right now all feels good in a very positive spiritual growth oriented kind of way. Had this relationship not occurred in my life, I would not be where I am right now, on the verge of something that feels like it will be life altering in the very best sense of that phrase.)

The wind I feel coming is going to change me forever. I know it, I can feel it inside. I feel different already. I have visualized what it is that I want, and I am going for that brass ring of self actualization. I hate the English language, it's so limiting in so many ways. Change is a shitty word, because what I am talking aboutis so much more than the value we place on the word "change". Self actualization is also a phrase that in and of it's self is limiting too. But saying I am going to become myself, my real self, also doesn't sound right either. I already am my real self, it's just that I am becoming more my real self. Which also tells you nothing either.

What is happening is, I am shedding lies I have told myself are real about me. The removal of the untruths about myself, allow the real self to break through the walls the lies and/or untruths have created. It's like the last vestiges of the person I created to protect vulnerable me inside is in the last stages of death. Vulnerable me is not really vulnerable. My ego is vulnerable. Which is why egos are bad things to own. They keep you from reaching your authentic self. Your mind creates ego to protect vulnerable you. But vulnerable you, real you is stronger than ego can ever be.

Vulnerable you is that which is made up of pure unconditional love. To be pure unconditional love, you have to let all ego go and be love. To be love, one must be completely open. To be completely open, one must know their real self so fully that nothing can cause it injury. Utter knowledge of self and no ego equals pure unconditional love.  It's that simple and that complicated. What is happening with me is that what makes it so complicated is being removed, liquidated, whatever you want to call it in my mind and spirit. I am letting go that which seems so difficult to overcome. The belief systems that cause me to remain stagnant or in an ego centered place mentally are being removed, washed clean, eradicated, whatever.

And I feel so very good about it all. It feels empowering in a way I cannot describe. For the good of all. Don't you love watching someone process and grow?

More on this later. You should have figured this wasn't the last you would hear on this subject matter. It seems to be the major theme of late in here. I have to get off to work now to create the resources I need to empower me further.

Don't lable it, just do it!

Peace to you all....