Personal Daily Horoscope of Friday, 12 January 2007 for J, born 21 May 1954
Heavy-hearted
Valid during many months: During this time you are able to achieve a most unusual balance between your material and your spiritual needs, and you see the relationship between them so that you can build your life upon both of them equally. This influence helps you bring your spiritual ideals into focus in the material world so that you can see precisely what role they play in your life. Consequently this is a time of sober reflection and deep understanding about your life on several planes. This is a time of serious thought. Your mood will not be especially light-hearted, but you will be in a position to make great breakthroughs in understanding. You will be able to deny yourself rewards that you have wanted in the past, because now you can see that if you wait a bit, your daily life will come closer to your ideals. You are in the right frame of mind for disciplined self-denial and sacrifice without being a martyr. In other words, you are realistic about what you are doing. Now you can work to further your ideals, such as working for religious or charitable organizations, spiritual groups or whatever. In general you will be attracted to groups of people who share your views, and you will be able to express your philosophy better in a group than by yourself. This influence has the effect of making your ego subservient to higher needs, so that if you believe strongly in what you are doing, you will be able to work hard even if given very little credit or positive reinforcement. With this influence there is the danger of taking your own actions too seriously. This can be a very covert form of egotism in the name of spiritual awareness and devotion, and no form of egotism, even if it goes by another name, is compatible with this influence.

 

It's a good thing I have spent the last 16 years trying for all I was worth to get rid of my ego. I saved this because it's how I have been feeling for several weeks now. In fact, it's how I have been feeling ever since Alyssa stopped hanging around me every day. It took being away from her to see how much I wanted to and have missed working on me and what I feel I need to do for myself in my life.

What it is, is time for me to take charge again of my own life and destiny. I have spent far too many years giving myself away to everyone and everything except myself and my own spiritual growth. At least for the last 14 or more years. Starting with giving all of my time and energy to Cheryl and her illnesses and neediness, then Spikey and hers, to Sue and Kaitlyn just trying to keep a roof over their heads and somehow above water financially, and finally to Alyssa who I gave everything to, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I am drained beyond reason and I am just done with giving myself away and seldom asking the universe for anything to fill me up again or heal myself. I have spent time working on me to a point, but my energies were always directed toward being there for others. It has left me little energy to really delve deeply into my own personal growth and spiritual needs.

These people whom I have given so much of myself and my energy to are persons and situations with whom I chose to be involved. Each person and situation came into my life and individually taught me many lessons for my growth. So it's not like I have wasted these last 14 years. I have grown much and I thank eachindividual for their contribution to my growth. It however, is time for me to take back my power and direct it toward where I want to go now in my quest for growth as a spiritual being.

And I do know where I want to go. I am in the process of formulating how I am going to get there. It is far greater than where I want to be in my external world. That is important to me and is something that I will be directing much energy to in the next several months and years. But it is so much deeper than the surface of what you see when you look at me. The reality is, where I am going is further and deeper in, deeper and further, more layers penetrated. Further and further to a place that does not really exist, yet is very real. A place that is never found because there is no end to the deeper and further you can go. It's impossible to explain, but I know where this place is and how to get there, I have been there once before. It never ends this non-place, this endless inside your being place. This place that is the whole of the universe, that is part of and at the same time is the One.

The English language sucks. Unconditional is not nearly as defining as it should be to describe One. Mainly because, if you have not experienced Oneness, then you do not understand true unconditionality. It is beyond conventional human understanding. The truth is, we understood it at birth, but it was beaten out of us while having to experience humanness. There is no such thing as definition of One. Which is why it is impossible to describe it in human terms. It cannot be described, it must be experienced.  Experiential understanding, joined with human knowledge becomes a knowing to the human mind and spirit. There is no such thing as belief with experiential understanding. You believe nothing, you simply know, period.

I do not believe in who I am, I know. I do not believe I have great indefinable power with in me, I know. I do not believe I am part of and one with Unconditional Oneness, I know. I do not believe we and all that is known and unknown is part of and still the same as the whole of Oneness, I know. For I have experienced it fully and with complete comprehension, in my mind and in my spirit. Converting that comprehension into words that are understandable by the human mind for other humans to grasp is my beyond ability now. I have never found words in the English language to impart that knowingness. And so I have long since stopped trying.

What I do and have done for years is to simply impart that knowing through unconditional love. Because that is the purest manifestation of Oneness available to impart to others experiencing being human. For me, if that unconditional love reaches the spirits of those beings experiencing humanity at the moment and sparks for them a remembrance, lights a small flame of memory of what Oneness is like, then I have accomplished much. For it was a spark such as that that awakened my own spirit one day so many years ago. A spark that became an all consuming brilliant inferno as it raged through me, changing me forever in that instant as it enter the all of my being. My mind and spirit simply knew forever without doubt, for it had experienced Oneness unconditionally and utterly.

Oneness is Love. Love is Oneness. It's that simple and that complicated.  Everything is held together by that Love, by that Oneness. Even Everything is beyond the human mind to comprehend and yet it is so simple when you experience it.  Deeper, further in, more, further in.... the All, the Everything, the One.... Love, unconditional, all consuming, Universal, One Love.

That is where I am going. I'll at least bring you back a tee shirt or coffee mug upon my return <grin>.