Today I asked Glenny if I was just a fool, or just a complete idiot. He didn't answer cause he knew I was not looking for an answer. It was rhetorical.

Then later, Shea wanted to know why I was so down when the hottest girls in town wanted me. I never really got her to tell me who these hot girls were that thought I was so hot. She was drunk when she was telling me all this. I kept asking her if she meant Glenny, and if she did, had she noticed that he was a boy and not a girl. She just kept saying that I was the hottest lesbian in town and that all the girls wanted me. I felt like stopping the next female to walk by us if she thought I was the hottest lesbian in town, and did she want me, but I refrained.

It's not about being hot. Jodi is hot, everyone wants Jodi. Well, I don't, but everyone else does. Kathryn is hot, nearly everyone wants Kathryn too. I don't, but she is hot. They are possibly the hottest girls in town, but neither of them wants me.

In her own drunken way, Shea was just trying to make me feel better. Shea is a Scorpio. It's all about sex and who wants you to her. It's never about sex for me and I don't need a ton of people to want me to feel good. Knowing I am special to one person is good enough for me. Knowing that someone loves me enough to hold me while I fall asleep and wake up with me by their side every day for the rest of our lives together is enough for me.

Friday night, I spent most of the night assuring Shea that Kathryn wanted her. Then I let her cry on my shoulder in her drunken stupor because she needed Kathryn to want to take her home that night and she didn't. I am an understanding friend, I have huge, strong shoulders and lots of years of life experience to lean on when you are down. In the end, Shea got what she needed and wanted from Kathryn, just not in her own timing.

I don't care if all the hottest chicks want me. I don't need to be wanted, I need to be loved, for who I am. Once in a while. Period. It's not a whole lot to ask for. Because, in the end, we are all alone, even in relationship. You hope that you can share a sense of intimacy with someone, maybe even build a life with them. But in the end, no matter what, you are still alone.

Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I'll be right here waiting for you.

Fool or idiot Glenny? He won't answer, he doesn't read my journal. So this is all still very rhetorical.

Here's your chance to vote girls. There's my most recent picture up there. Am I the hottest lesbian in town and do you want me? Even if you don't physically live in town, your vote still counts. Just vote yes or no.