I haven't had a whole lot of sleep. Shea woke my ass up with a lock out this morning at Tad's. It was the Frito Lay delivery dude. I had gone to bed around 2:30, so I think I probably got like 4 and a half hours of sleep total. I need 6 hours to be functional.

Not getting enough sleep is fucking with my anti-depressants. I am still depressed, even after taking my meds this morning. SO now I am beginning to wonder if it's the anti-depressants or something completely different that has elevated my mood of late. I am betting on the something different.

Some things have changed in my life in the last week or so. Some things I have no control over. I was hoping the meds would keep me on an even keel despite the changes. They apparently are not doing so. I feel like I am about to do a crash and burn soon. I am trying to hang on, trying not to take a nose drive. Trying to not let things get to me.

Depression is an interesting thing. You have this complete feeling of total hopelessness. You don't see anything being any different than it always has been, nor do you have the hope that it might change anytime soon. There is no light at the end of the tunnel because you can't even find a tunnel to go down in the first place.

I hate feeling this way. Which is why I got the meds in the first place. I needed some sense of hope, I hoped the meds would take the hopeless feeling away. To a point they did, at least for the first couple of weeks. The problem is, I cannot turn away from reality and not see that my reality actually is hopeless.

And that is all I really have to say right now. There really isn't anything else left to say.