Oh wouldn't it be loverly?

You know how you can have those kinds of days where one little bit of not so great info can just trash the whole day for you? Maybe even the next week, or two, or twenty?

Yeah, you got it, you are so smart too. I knew you would get it right off the bat with that opening line. Today was fucked for me.

I have friends that have journal/blogs that I read occasionally. I busy my mind trying to figure out where their posts are coming from internally. Sometimes I "get" their hidden meanings and innuendos. Most of the time I am dumber than a rock and couldn't comprehend my way out of a wet paper sack. I am pretty sure that my hidden meanings and innuendos fly over the heads of most of my friends and family. You would have to know me extremely well to know what a day being fucked was really all about for me. I am pretty sure that I do not know a living soul who knows what a "fucked" day really means to me.

And honestly, I am not about to share that here. Not now and probably not ever. Suffice to say, I am feeling extremely irritable and sarcastic, with a serious side dish helping of self depreciation and contempt. That makes me someone you probably do not want to be around much. The truth is, when I am feeling this way, I tend to just shut the fuck up and go inside myself to lick my wounds and wallow in my own self pity. That takes a lot of energy by the way. So I end up feeling exhausted by the end of one of these days.

Today was (and still is) one of those days where death is preferable to life. It's was (and still is) one of those days where you hope that if and when you wake up in the morning of the day after that you will have worked through your demons whilst you slept. You pray that tomorrow will be better for you emotionally and mentally. You hope for all you are worth that you will just get over your bad self and go on with the shit of life without the "fucked" being in your heart and soul.

 

On a lighter note, I like the term family. It has a nice connotation for me. For some people that is not true, for some people the word evokes horrid and unpleasant memories. To me, family is a word that describes those that you feel closest to, the very beings you would give your all to and die for if need be. The last thing it brings up for me is people I am biologically related to.

So when someone tells me I feel like family to them, well, that sits pretty well with me. To me in my little head's world, that is a very high honor. Mainly because for me to call you family, to say that I love you as family, I love this person beyond measure and definitely unconditionally.

So for all you who consider me family? The feeling is most probably very mutual on my side too.

That's it for me tonight Gracie. So say good night.