I have been sitting here contemplating a situation in my life that I still have some emotional response to when I ponder it all. That would be my ex best friend/business partner telling me that she is not sure if we can be friends the way we once were again. Now that might not sound all that horrible to an outsider who does not know all she did to me and others this past year or so. After all, everyone has the right to determine whom they wish to be friends with for whatever reasons. Fair enough, I buy that fully.

The real problem is, she is assuming that I still want to be her friend and that some how she can just wave a magic wand and I will be to her whatever she wants me to be to her. That's not how it works. See, I get to decide if I want to be someone's friend or not also. The real deal here is, I honestly do not want to be her friend as long as she is still as dysfunctional and abusive to other people as she has always been. The truth is, she hasn't changed one iota yet. She is still lying to herself and anyone else who will buy her lies about everything she did to me and everyone else this last year or two. She still has not come clean about all she did to everyone and I doubt sincerely that she will be doing that any time in the near future. Which is why she is not going to be my friend again any time soon.

What she just hasn't gotten is that I am the one who will decide if she is ever allowed back in my life again period. Not her. Undo what you did to me and everyone else. Admit your wrong doings and make amends, to me and everyone else. Humbly ask forgiveness for all you have done and change your behavior forever. No one will ever trust you again if you don't. They might forgive you to a certain point in time, but they will never trust you again or let you back in again if you do not. That is the real bottomline and the real consequences of your actions. People will tolerate your physical presence, but to be let back in to people's hearts and regain their trust will take making those sincere heartfelt amends to them and then truly changing your behavior for the rest of your life.

Unlie the lies. And mean it when you do it. Feel real sorrow for your behavior. Feel your heart break for all you have done. Come to know and understand fully all the pain and suffering your actions have caused yourself and everyone else in your life. Admit your wrongs, take full and humble responsibility for them and then make amends where ever and when ever it is possible. Anything short of that and you will never regain anything close to the relationships you once had before your actions destroyed them.

You are right, you do deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of other people. Learn this lesson. The universe keeps shoving it down your throat and you seem to not be getting it. I don't know what you can do to repair and make amends for all you did to your brother, but I know what it will take to fix what you did to me.

Good luck on all this... in the mean time, I tolerate your physical presence. And that is all. There is no friendship there and there will not be until you heal yourself and change your dysfunctional behavior forever. Tough love, it sucks.