Grief is an interesting human emotion if you believe in reincarnation. When you believe you have known a soul many times before and you believe that you will know that soul again, it almost becomes confusing to you whether you should really be feeling the sorrow you feel for the loss of someone in your life. It doesn't actually matter how the loss occurred, whether through physical death or the termination of the relationship for whatever reasons, the loss of a beloved soul from your life against your desire for the relationship to end however it was ended is still painful to your being on a deep core level.

Your being grieves that loss period. Now grief is obviously a built in human emotion. It's not like we were taught to feel the feeling of grief. We might have been conditioned as to what we should be having this feeling of grief over, but to actually teach you the emotion of grief would be like trying to teach the emotion of love to someone. Emotions are built in, they develop as we grow as children, until as adults, we hopefully have a fully developed range of human emotions. If we don't have that full range, then something got fucked up bad in us as children.

So here's my real question, if this world we inhabit is the classroom for our spirit's growth and development, if our reason to exist is to learn, then why do we need emotions like grief? Grief is born from the feeling of being separated (and in some cases permanently) from something we feel intense love for. We feel the ache of grief because we feel like we have lost something we treasured. But if we will always know that soul one way or another during our classroom time here and then far into the time when we have ascended, then why do we still grieve?  Is it because we have projected something on to that soul that we feel we needed in order to be happy in this lifetime? Is it because we feel the need for the constant reassurance of that soul being near to us and in communication with us? I'll venture a yes to most of that.

I know I am superficially scratching the surface here on this subject, but I am so deeply embroiled in the grief process at the moment that I can think of little else now. I have been giving myself little self talks about reincarnation and knowing that I will always know the souls I have lost in this lifetime. I tell myself that physical death and loss of relationships is a part of life in this human condition will experience right now. I tell myself a lot of things to make the pain go away. It's not really working right now.

I lost a lot of relationships I loved this last year. My heart has been broken to it's very foundation. And yes, I know that all this heartbreak is to teach me lessons. Still, it doesn't help knowing that these losses are just lessons. I miss those people, I miss their spirits, I miss the communion we had with one another. I miss the love they had for me, I miss being able to share the love I have for them still. I long in my heart to tell them how deeply they touch my spirit with theirs once again. I long to share my being with them once again.

Is that just a human thing? That longing to share your being with another? Is it only in this flesh that we feel such feelings? I think that yes, it is only in this flesh that we feel and think such things. Once the flesh is gone, this need no longer is within us. I think it is purely a human in body experience. Why is this longing, these feelings, this feeling of love so much a part of the human experience?

I am pondering this now. Looking for an answer that will help me grow and reach a place where I comprehend whatever it is that I need to comprehend in order to become all that I am here to learn how to become.

In the meantime I grieve. For the next while, for a time, I weep. And seek an answer.