This will suprize you. I haven't had a damn thing to say that I felt was worth the time to put down here in my blog. I spend a lot of time playing with numbers. I spend far too much time on my financial investments. Numbers, numbers, numbers. Normally I would think this is wasted time, but lately my opinion on this subject has changed.

Seriously, you know what I have been thinking about a lot lately? Let me preferance this by asking you this question: If you won several million dollars in the lottery, what would you do with all that money?

Now you know where I am going here.

It's amazing how priorities change as you evolve as a person. When I was a teenager, my fantasies about wealth generally were about buying what I considered all the trappings of wealth. Yachts, fast, expensive European sports cars, mansions in the hills, on the beach, my own private island, Lear jets, you get the picture.

As a young adult, my fantasies hadn't changed much. It was still all about material trappings. In my 30s I began to see the need to take care of my immediate family too. So I was willing to share a piece of my wealth pie with them.  By the time I hit my 40s, the desire to own expensive items had diminished almost completely. My wealth fantasies became all about taking care of my family and friends so that I and they were set for life and were monetarily stress free.

By the time I hit my late 40s, the only thing I cared about was being debt free and having the ability to help others when I could.

Now I am sitting here, nearing 51 years old and all I care about is helping others as much as I can. I still want to be debt free and I do want to make sure my friends and family are cared for so that their struggles are about personal growth and not totally about external survival. But by and large, I want to give wealth away to those who need it most.

I recall a rich man saying to me once that he wanted to give his money to organizations that helped people better themselves. I didn't think much of it at the time. He wasn't into just giving people money just because they needed to save their home or whatever. He was into giving his money to things that taught people how to fish so to speak.

That is such Republican thinking. Most Republican thinking is the antithesis of what I think and feel. But when you think about it long and hard enough, the teaching people to fish isn't such a bad thing.

We have a youth organization of which I am a board member of here in Eureka that is sort of like that old proverb. It exists to teach kids how to fish. It's all about teaching kids responsibility. For themselves, for each other, for their community. It's about teaching them that they are valued and valuable assets, to themselves, to others around them and to their community. It's abut teaching the self respect and high self esteem. It's about helping to develop well rounded individuals who believe in themselves.

Our youth organization is something I give my money to, what little of it I have to give at the moment.  Were I wealthy, I would give at the same rate I give now, the difference is, my contribution would be considerably more and would solve all their financial problems about keeping their doors open and serving the kids in our community.

Once, I would like to attend a board meeting where we are not stressing over how to pay the light bill. Just once I want to go to a board meeting and the topic of discussion is how the construction of the new youth center building is coming along. I would like to go to a board meeting where we are discussing how many new employees we need to hire this year and not how many months it has been that our Director has gone with out a pay check and has run the organization alone because there is no money to pay for staff.

Eureka Kids is one reason I look so long and hard at numbers late into the night. Every night I try to figure out how and when I will be able to help them out of the financial pit they are always in. I am tired of fundraiser after fundraiser that barely nets enough cash to keep the lights on or the phone bill or the food bill, or the water bill or any number of items that must be paid regularly to keep the doors open.

And all we want to do is teach kids how to fish. All we want to do is help mold people who can stand tall and proud and face the world head on and not have to resort to drugs, alcohol or any other form of escapism to face it.  Is that so much to ask? To get these kids off the street and offer them something constructive, fun and educational to do with their afternoons and summer vacation? I don't think it's too much. I wish there had been something like this where I lived growing up.

So that's what my wealth fantasies are about now. How can I help? How can I make a positive difference in someone else's life? How can I pay it forward today?

I don't want for much anymore. A roof over my head, reliable transportation, a kick ass computer system (ok, there's my one major indulgence). What I need is what I already have. Self love, self esteem, a loving family, dear and cherished friends. Everything else just seems to fall into place now. Roof over my head and all.

Oh and the fast Eurepean sports car? I want a Suburu Outback or Forester. How much more boring can you get?