Count the headlights on the highway

While you all weren't looking, I turned the Big Five Oh.

This is what I did for myself for my birthday:

I gave myself a birthday party (something I never do and probably will not do again unless I make it to see 60).

Spent some quality time with friends and family which I enjoyed very much.

Actually bought myself some new clothes with the money Marty sent me for my birthday in which he gave me a direct order to spend on something for me and not on the house or other family members.

Called to make an appointment to have this growing large lump in my breast checked out.

I feel pretty good about doing all that.

I told Sue about my appointment on June 2nd.  She said "what lump?" I said, "The one I told you about last week". She swears I didn't tell her. I think I did, I just probably didn't make a big deal out of it.

After I thought about it for a little while, maybe I told Bill and not Sue. Who knows, it's hard to remember when you are as tired as I am lately.

They will do a physical on me on June 2nd. Make the recommendation for the mammogram and then what ever happens from there is a mystery.  Actually I know what they do if there is a suspect lump. They will do a biopsy with a needle into it to see if it's cancerous. The mystery is whether this is just a fibroid cyst that has gotten out of hand or whether it's a fibroid cyst that has gone cancerous. I have about a 50/50 chance for it to be either way. Fibroid cysts run in this large breasted family of mine. So does breat cancer. I am in that upper percentile of those most likely to develop breast cancer. My last pap smear came back pre-cancerous. They told me just to take this really expensive medicine. I don't take it though because I can't afford to get the prescription filled.

The good thing in all this is that the state of Arkansas has a Breast Care program that pays for all this if you fall into their guidelines of need. You have to make under a certain amount of money annually (I do) and not have health insurance (I don't). The really good thing about this is that they pay for everything involved up to and including chemo if it becomes necessary.

I am not really scared, if anything I am slightly relieved that I won't lose the farm so to speak if I do need real medical help with anything pertaining to breast cancer. Don't get me wrong, I am a little nervous, but I am hoping for the best. I just want to make sure there is not something there that is going to kill me. I have a family to take care of, I don't have time to die right now (that was a joke btw).

My mother sent me a birthday card and in it said she had already given me my birthday present this year. She is right, she did. If her birthday present works out I may never have to work again. We'll see. I sure thank her for the thought though.

Now I am tired, bone weary. Time for bed.